Sorry
For holding yourself worth hostage for what you could provide
You yearned to protect others from knowing your pain
Sacrificed relationships for the sake of sounding sane
Sacrificed your dignity and humanity for a few dollars
Yet I can still see the dollar in you through all your pain
It's exhausting...
Sorry
For giving your a false sense of pride
For isolating you when you felt the most pain
I just wanted to protect you
From drowning in all the self-doubt and pain
Sorry
For trying to find whatever comfort a bottle could provide
It felt safer than being viewed as weak
I felt stronger when I had a few drinks
But in reality, I was just trying to disconnect from everything
It's not your fault it was what you were taught
Sorry
For all the bad decisions and relationships we damaged
Who knows if those relationships were real
Maybe they weren't since they aren't here
But were you really there or just existing I can't answer that
We will just call it even I guess
I can't change the past but I will always wonder what could've been
Sorry
For all the self-hate
You weren't shown what self-love looked like in the first place
You can't blame yourself
You were a blank canvas just seeking validation
You ran to find it but instead, you found anger and hate
Sorry
For letting others write your narrative for so long
In reality, it was already being written at the birth
Totted as smart and strong in public
But dumb and weak in private
The lines got blurred from time to time
Sorry
For tolerating and letting those narratives hold you
Felt safer to comply than to fight
I can't blame you
Because those narratives were reinforced every step of the way
Sorry
I just wanted the best for you
I did what I had to protect you
Once Again I am sorry
Thank You
You did protect me and I will be forever grateful
But its time to let go
Some dreams die but others are about to bud and bloom
I love you but I am no longer you
I don't want to miss another season because I couldn't accept what we have been through
I will forever miss some parts of us
But its time to start anew