When I looked at my shadows
When I saw the path I took
When I knew someone lost and I have gained
But my life was not ready for a kid
I had already stayed for a man who never loved me
I had already sacrificed my body to bring kids into this world
I was ready to leave a dead emotional less marriage
Call it fate or life but I met someone from my past
And he seemed charming
But he was like every other man
Words but no substance
Resentment for bringing life into a spontaneous moment
Human life....
Was god forsaking me
Or showing me I am still loved
When no one will love me hold me in my despair
When I did it alone
When everyone is so quick to judge
But I cry for this child I did not get to know
When no one was in my shoes
When I already felt the crushing pain to kill myself when I knew this man would not love me or our unborn child
I knew I only had me. I had to protect the ones I birthed. No one was going to save me. They all watch to make an example of me
Forgiving myself
Forgiving him
Forgiving the what if and what is
It feels like a dream but it was reality