You call me childish
You call me selfish
You call me all these things
Just because I relapse and hurt myself
Don’t you see that I am sick
Don’t you get that I need help
Not criticism from my love
I need understanding
These thoughts that keep racing
Thoughts that everyone
Would be better off
If I was no longer around
Thoughts of self hate
Thoughts of suicide
Thoughts that bring so much pain
That it’s hard to breathe
I need help
So badly
Before I end up
Doing something permanent
That is something
I don’t wish to do
I want so badly
To feel better
But every time you leave
Every time you berate me
I feel so much worse
Than I already did
It makes me feel
Like you hate me
That you despise my existence
That I should no longer exist
And that brings me even more pain
So much suffering it is unbearable
I cry myself to sleep every night
Hoping things will change for the better
But they always seem to get worse
They say it gets better with time
But I’ve been fighting this sickness
For so many years now
The only solace I had
Was in the love that you showed me
But now that that is gone
I have nothing left
The thoughts have been
Getting louder and louder
Threatening to snap my mind
Making it harder to see the good
I ask you this one thing
Do you actually hate me
Or do you just not understand
That I’m fighting with my own mind
Fighting these negative thoughts
Fighting to breathe
Fighting to love
Fighting for just one more day
One more day of being alive
One more day of feigning happiness
Hoping it turns into true happiness
I am fighting everyday
It is an ongoing battle
One that is a struggle
Cause this is one battle
That lasts a lifetime
Feb 16, 2020
Feb 16, 2020 at 3:47 PM UTC
You call me childish
You call me selfish
You call me all these things
Just because I relapse and hurt myself
Don’t you see that I am sick
Don’t you get that I need help
Not criticism from my love
I need understanding
These thoughts that keep racing
Thoughts that everyone
Would be better off
If I was no longer around
Thoughts of self hate
Thoughts of suicide
Thoughts that bring so much pain
That it’s hard to breathe
I need help
So badly
Before I end up
Doing something permanent
That is something
I don’t wish to do
I want so badly
To feel better
But every time you leave
Every time you berate me
I feel so much worse
Than I already did
It makes me feel
Like you hate me
That you despise my existence
That I should no longer exist
And that brings me even more pain
So much suffering it is unbearable
I cry myself to sleep every night
Hoping things will change for the better
But they always seem to get worse
They say it gets better with time
But I’ve been fighting this sickness
For so many years now
The only solace I had
Was in the love that you showed me
But now that that is gone
I have nothing left
The thoughts have been
Getting louder and louder
Threatening to snap my mind
Making it harder to see the good
I ask you this one thing
Do you actually hate me
Or do you just not understand
That I’m fighting with my own mind
Fighting these negative thoughts
Fighting to breathe
Fighting to love
Fighting for just one more day
One more day of being alive
One more day of feigning happiness
Hoping it turns into true happiness
I am fighting everyday
It is an ongoing battle
One that is a struggle
Cause this is one battle
That lasts a lifetime
