I don’t feel very good. (my heart beats) (thud. thud. thud.)
There’s sweat on my back, and the fan’s on high.
I’m pretty sure my stomach is flipping.
There is water in the corners of my eyes.
I think that I was just about to swallow my tongue. (Oh No) (my heart beats)
There are bugs on my back, and the fan is dangling now. (i’m making that up) (everything’s fine.) (thud. thud. thud.)
My stomach is in my hands.
There’s water in the corners of my mind. (thud.)
I think that… I think…
Sometimes I think about that night.
The girls were talking about the other girls. (Shut up, Susan!) (yeah, she called her a ***** (Where’d you get that dress?) (She isn’t like, ugly or anything. She’s just really annoying, I guess..)
‘Tea circle’ they called it.
And the one, the INFORMANT from the ‘popular girls’ (They aren’t popular, they pretend to be because they don’t want to be bullied)
Told us about who hated who
And
Who was jealous, and who was depressed.
And she said that NnNnN liked me.
She liked me.
She liked me (like a friend) (we’re friends)
She said NnNnN really liked me.
I hid a smile, and no one was looking.
Because she ‘really liked me’ (like a friend) (like) (a) (friend)
(i really like my friends, don’t i) (like a friend)
I didn’t feel very good for the rest of the overnight.
I don’t know what love feels like, and I don’t think this is it.
This isn’t a good feeling.
The water isn’t in my eyes anymore, it’s on my face.
The water is still in the corners of my mind.
It’s always there, sloshing.
It’s always there, churning. (thud. thud. thud.)
It sometimes leaks down into my throat and I choke.
I drown in air. (my heart beats) (corners of my eyes…mind)
I don’t think about NnNnNn as much in the summer.
I don’t feel like drowning as much in the summer.
Until I hope, (Hope. thud. Hope. thud. Hope)
That when I go back to school for fall,
That I will have fallen out of love with her over summer. (it wasn’t love in the first place) (am I sick) (my heart beats)
But I haven’t yet.
I’m still drowning.
(thud.)
(Is this Love?)
(Love)
(What is Love?)
(I Love her)
(I want her)
(like a friend)
(MY HEART BEATS.)
(thud.)
(am I sick)
(yeah, I think I’m sick)