the line between
consent and assault
is blurred in my memory
if i gave consent - but i was only a child - while he
was three years ahead, a senior
taking advantage of a freshman
is that considered non consensual
even though
i did not say no.
this memory has been suppressed for over two years
i don't remember many details
other than his hand pressed against me
like a hot iron that burned me if i moved,
my shaky breaths of terror he took as pleasure,
i thought it was normal
that i had to reciprocate
that i had to be okay with it.
he flirted with me the days leading up
to that night
it was seductive and it worked
i was lured into his trap
my ignorant brain didn't know any better
it was the beginning of high school
i thought it was normal
i thought i consented .
my lips had just touched another boys before
a sad excuse of a kiss,
i was inexperienced beyond belief
nowhere near ready for his hand to be on me.
i could not even say no
for his family was there to
when he sat next to me in the back seat
he automatically assumed power over me,
while i
was powerless.
i told myself to let it go
that it meant nothing and i would get over it
he was my best friends brother
i couldn't dare risk our friendship
over something
i might have
consented to.
Dec 12, 2018
Dec 12, 2018 at 10:49 PM UTC
the line between
consent and assault
is blurred in my memory
if i gave consent - but i was only a child - while he
was three years ahead, a senior
taking advantage of a freshman
is that considered non consensual
even though
i did not say no.
this memory has been suppressed for over two years
i don't remember many details
other than his hand pressed against me
like a hot iron that burned me if i moved,
my shaky breaths of terror he took as pleasure,
i thought it was normal
that i had to reciprocate
that i had to be okay with it.
he flirted with me the days leading up
to that night
it was seductive and it worked
i was lured into his trap
my ignorant brain didn't know any better
it was the beginning of high school
i thought it was normal
i thought i consented .
my lips had just touched another boys before
a sad excuse of a kiss,
i was inexperienced beyond belief
nowhere near ready for his hand to be on me.
i could not even say no
for his family was there to
when he sat next to me in the back seat
he automatically assumed power over me,
while i
was powerless.
i told myself to let it go
that it meant nothing and i would get over it
he was my best friends brother
i couldn't dare risk our friendship
over something
i might have
consented to.
trigger warning
written the night i was up crying over what i may have done to myself