why do boys think it is okay
to be in love with someone
while making someone else fall for them,
knowing they will never mean anything
to them.
Jan 26, 2019
Jan 26, 2019 at 4:09 PM UTC
i always had my suspicions
and now i know for real
that it was all a lie.
when you were kissing me,
it was her you were picturing.
holding my hand,
wishing it was hers.
i slept with you
out of love.
while you slept with me
to fill the void
left behind by the space
between you and her
that i can never fulfill.
you admitted it to me,
told me to my face
that you lied.
she was never just a friend,
but the girl I will never compare to.
Jan 23, 2019
Jan 23, 2019 at 9:34 PM UTC
you admitted to knowing
that in the end
you would break my heart
and i think
that is
what hurt the most.
Jan 23, 2019
Jan 23, 2019 at 12:11 AM UTC
the line between
consent and assault
is blurred in my memory
if i gave consent - but i was only a child - while he
was three years ahead, a senior
taking advantage of a freshman
is that considered non consensual
even though
i did not say no.
this memory has been suppressed for over two years
i don't remember many details
other than his hand pressed against me
like a hot iron that burned me if i moved,
my shaky breaths of terror he took as pleasure,
i thought it was normal
that i had to reciprocate
that i had to be okay with it.
he flirted with me the days leading up
to that night
it was seductive and it worked
i was lured into his trap
my ignorant brain didn't know any better
it was the beginning of high school
i thought it was normal
i thought i consented .
my lips had just touched another boys before
a sad excuse of a kiss,
i was inexperienced beyond belief
nowhere near ready for his hand to be on me.
i could not even say no
for his family was there to
when he sat next to me in the back seat
he automatically assumed power over me,
while i
was powerless.
i told myself to let it go
that it meant nothing and i would get over it
he was my best friends brother
i couldn't dare risk our friendship
over something
i might have
consented to.
Dec 12, 2018
Dec 12, 2018 at 10:49 PM UTC
i can't seem to get over you,
at the club i wish it was you
asking me to dance.
all the guys that ask me to hangout
find themselves being rejected,
because i still love you.
yet there you are,
as soon as we break up,
finding other girls,
hooking up,
seeing them,
as if i meant nothing
as if
we
were
nothing.
Dec 4, 2018
Dec 4, 2018 at 8:33 PM UTC
you broke my heart in two
and all it took
was silence.
did you not care that i was breaking?
that each word took all the strength i had?
couldn't you see that I was trembling?
why didn't you care?
it is because
i poured my heart out
to someone emotionless.
Dec 3, 2018
Dec 3, 2018 at 2:35 PM UTC
i gave into your words,
allowed myself to believe in you,
became vulnerable in your arms,
naked under your touch.
i wanted to give myself to you,
thinking you were worthy of it,
that we were in love,
and this was another level of connection.
you liked spending time with me,
which made it harder for you to move,
i thought it was sweet,
until i realized it was said right after ***
and timing is everything.
you refused to leave my side when i cried,
even when i asked you to,
making me think you were amazing,
until you asked to have ***
and timing is everything.
you were listening to me
open up about my feelings for you,
intensified with love,
until you said you were too ***** to talk,
and timing is everything.
i ignored all those times,
wanting so desperately
to believe you were genuine,
that what we felt was real,
and it was not an unrequited love.
until you left,
after promising to keep in touch,
and I never heard from you again,
so I caved,
finally understanding,
you were using me for ***
Nov 30, 2018
Nov 30, 2018 at 5:26 PM UTC
i asked him what he was thinking about
and like a movie he said
"you"
but it was not said with
kindness
and that was when i knew
it was over
Nov 29, 2018
Nov 29, 2018 at 9:46 PM UTC
i used to write poems
about hypothetical situations,
boys i barley knew,
dreams i had in my sleep,
crushes i had from afar,
dates i went on that never lasted,
friendships.
my poems were mostly fictional,
i was writing about things
i had never personally experienced,
i didn't have someone that opened me up
(so i pretended i did)
but then i met you
and now what i write is real
love and heartbreak
(you gave me those feelings)
so now i thank you
(because now i know)
Nov 27, 2018
Nov 27, 2018 at 9:17 PM UTC
i don't know what love is
i don't know if i believe in love
i don't know if i was in love with you
but i know you made me smile,
even through tears,
when i wanted to shout and sob,
you held me
and made me laugh.
but i know your arms
were the warmest blanket
i ever had the pleasure of knowing
keeping me safe and protected.
but i know you were there for me
when no one else was,
that i could tell you anything,
you would never judge me.
i don't know if what i felt was love,
but it was the closest to love
i have ever felt,
and i know that now,
my heart is broken.
Nov 27, 2018
Nov 27, 2018 at 12:06 AM UTC