It hurts
when the ocean crashes into you
drags you in
to drown you
and crush you
over and over again.
I imagine that,
when you befriend the ocean,
it remains calm
and still
and playful,
livable, at least -
How it is to fish, turtles,
algae, shark
how it is to children
and their sandcastles
to the tired
looking for vacation, rest
lying on the beach
while the water sparkles at their feet
the sun shining them into a star
warming like a blanket.
I imagine that it is nice
to befriend the ocean.
Why doesn't it want to be my friend?
Why does it hurt me,
**** me
without ever bringing a long that finality?
Why
am I like this?
Flailing in water,
failing to swim
dragged deeper
and deeper
until there's no chance
that you'll reach me.