I literally cannot put into words how this relationship has been. I have never taken so many risks with anyone in my whole life. Whether it was being completely honest with you, letting you see me with out make up, or how I told you about my anxiety and depression. And with every leap of faith, you caught me. During each leap my stomach got so upset and scared, and with every catch I felt so much safer and closer with you.
With you I am not scared of every what-if and worry. With you I seem to forget every doubt I ever had about our relationship, myself, or my body image. When you are beside me, those thoughts that test my will to live at night, those thoughts of how alone I am are nothing but air from my lungs as I sigh and say I love you as I cling closer to you.
And I'm sorry but I can't control my worries and anxieties as you can, no, I can't just forget about things that might happen in the future. They linger there like the acidic after taste of a pill.
I. Cannot. Just. "Not Worry". About. It.
I do not have the strength to keep my fears from becoming me, I lay and ball up in my bed at night while those what-if's I mentioned before consume me and make me scar myself from crying. I want you to know this.
You have become the very thing I was always afraid of and that is a drug. You're an addiction. Not in the cliche romantic sense, in the way in which you are so similar to my anti-depressants, one week with out you and I am grasping for what is left of my self worth. I have become dependent and I need you to know this because you make throwing me away so easy and effortless like I have always wanted to be strong enough to be able to do.
I want you to know this because for some sick reason I want you to care as much as I do.