****
I left the light on again.
She pays the electric bill.
I pay for other stuff.
Not sure
what I'd do
if she kicked me out.
Maybe live with my grandfather
until he kicks me out,
or dies maybe.
Maybe maybe, maybe.
****
drunk again.
****
I hate myself.
Usually.
Except when I'm drunk though.
It's so nice being drunk.
When I'm good and thoroughly
drunk,
I can just lay down
and fall asleep!
Can you believe that?
No voices!
No thoughts
of mistakes past made.
No qualms to set
my heart arace.
No crises,
existential or otherwise,
to keep my eyes from
their prescribed
nightly random movement
and, no dreams either.
Nothing to rob me of tomorrow.
Nothing to dwell on in the morning.
Other than coffee, blissful coffee,
(God, I can smell it already)
and maybe the fact that
it probably won't be morning anymore.
Probably more like noonish.
I'll make my coffee, zombie-like
I'll shamble into the shower then
I'll get dressed and think
"Today will be different"
and my eyes
~
will start to
~
wander.
Over to the fridge, to the beer within.
Or to the floor next to my desk
where the rest of the whiskey lives.
Just like what happened yesterday.
Like what'll happen tomorrow.
I'll smile and
laugh at myself,
I'll apologize
for leaving the light on
again.
I'll smile the whole way, babe.