I paced
I paced the entire apartment
I hadn't really felt anything.
And i worried
maybe the nothingness meant something
Like the way a nod can mean something from across the bar
Or the way a quick glance can tell the whole entire story
Or the way a text message vibrates in you pocket
Maybe the nothingness meant I had cried every tear I ever had
Or maybe it didn't
Or maybe it meant I couldn't busy myself with emotion
Like a bird to its nest
I couldn't occupy my time with tears
Maybe it meant the sound of my laughter was more important.
It was more important than kisses on the forehead
And a date to the party
Maybe it was more important than photo ops and family dinners
Maybe smiling now spoke 5,000 more words
Then any tears that had fallen then
Because freedom melts in my mouth
Because laughing rinses away tired memories
Like water hose to dirty paws
Like bees to there busy hive
My happiness pursued me
It romanced me
It took me out to fancy dinners
And dressed my face up with a smile
Maybe my happiness was my nothingness
And maybe I finally deserved it.