It’s that addictive conversation you reiterate. It’s the knife cut staining the cutting board. It’s the black bruise that keeps spreading. It’s the crack in the sidewalk followed by the fall you forgot to brace. It’s the deadline missed. It’s the “this-not-that”. It’s the hour passed that you couldn’t afford to lose. It’s the darkness under the bed. It’s the crack in the ceiling. The creak in the step. The leaky faucet. The sour milk. It’s the abandoned dog’s cry. It’s the forgotten wallet on the subway train. It’s the stand up on a blind date. It’s the buying a carton of broken eggs. It’s the “I’m-sorry-I-forgot”. It’s the gum on the bottom of stilettos. It’s the cigarette smoke invading your lungs. It’s the bald man lurking around the corner. It’s the two yellow eyes amongst the sickening darkness. It’s the disease in your mothers breast. It’s the crisp brown leaves on your house plant. It’s the neglected number on a misplaced napkin. It’s the loose screw. The pull in your sweater. The miscommunication. The jammed index finger. It’s the first time and wishing it was your last. It’s the promised call that never came. It’s the clenched fist as you suffer the hit. It’s the threatening epidemic. It’s the “it-will-take-time” which you never took. It’s the adhesive fly paper you can’t shake off.
And it’s all of this,
Till you grasp it’s none of this.
It’s the muggy sickness found in the depths of your stomach.
It’s scorching guilt
And it’s eating you, swallowing you whole
It’s suffocating
It’s enduring
It's guilt everlasting