I had this dream last night, I was floating endlessly, it was cold and dark. No one was there, it was so lonely, as I floated in the endless darkness. Floating and floating, on and on I went, never ceasing to drift. Till my body sunk, and I drown, in this self made dark abyss.

Mopey_Cloud

The abyss within

Jun 6, 2026

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Nyx_

Hey Robert, I like the dream theme of this. A poem can be hard to critique because they are so subjective (beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder), but I can give it a shot. 
To firstly tackle punctuation (if this is something you worry about), I would make "I had this dream last night" a full sentence with no comma. You could say "I was floating endlessly, and it was cold and dark." I would also put a period after "No one was there". After that, take away the comma after lonely. In full it would be: "I had this dream last night. I was floating endlessly, and it was cold and dark. No one was there. It was so lonely as I floated in the endless darkness". Alternatively, you could say "No one was there, and I was so lonely as I floated in the endless darkness". Punctuation-wise everything seems good after that. 
I want to say that I really like the phrase "never ceasing to drift". It comes across as quite graceful. However, I would take out "floating and floating" as the word was already mentioned in the previous sentence/line. This way the poem can have a greater sense of newness found within each line. In fact, I would say that "I was floating endlessly, it was cold and dark" and "as I floated in the endless darkness" are trying to say the same thing. So perhaps you can combine the two into one line (ex: I floated endlessly within the cold darkness). The contrast between floating and sinking in the darkness is really cool, so please be sure to keep that! Finally, you could play with different ways to say floating in the poem, maybe have a show rather than tell situation. For example, rather than floating, maybe you were "buoyant on the black abyss", or your "body wafted through the dark".

Hope this helps!