Mr Graves
Met him on a Friday, September 2006, from that day life was never the same, it was almost as if I knew he was there, even before I saw him with my own two eyes before I heard his name
When his name was spoken it brought chills down my spine, how could his name be somehow related to mine?
On arrival he brought with him an uneasy feeling of being alone in the darkness, as if in a nightmare I hoped that within moments of a slight pinch I would be awake and could forget about him
But this was no dream, this was real and so is he
A friend of a brother of mine, he was never spoken to, he’d been around for years before I met him, he would be there, never spoken to, barely spoken about but it was he who was there without a doubt
Should my brother have warned me about him before hand? Why did he bury his head in the sand? Why did I never ask about him? Was he one of my main concerns before he came knocking?
A surprise visit he came uninvited, tumbled in my life, I didn’t like it
Like I was the sun and he was the moon, no intentions of leaving this earth any time soon
Just me and him in this world alone, like a flat mate from hell he made me moan, not only did I have to get to know him but also his language his history and most of all his many traits so annoying
For instance, I hated the way makes me mad, even the little things make me angry sometimes pushing me to the point of explosion, emotions gushing like an ocean
When I feel the blood boil beneath my skin..that was him
Nobody else could see it was him doing this to me
However even they could see that deep almost evil stare, constantly watching every move, he was everywhere
Sometimes he makes me cry, droplets fall from my eyes, he didn’t hurt me with his fist of knife but used psychological torture to ruin my life
Tears fall
Times passes
He’s still here
My eyes now swollen and puffy, people can see the effects he’s having on me
If only I could get rid of him, but when he’s gone I’ll still feel the sting
Making him so unforgettable, when he goes is he really gone at all, and then maybe one day he’ll visit again, maybe next time he’ll stay until the end
Is he really gone or is it all an illusion, making fantasy, reality out of confusion
Tears stop
Times moved fast
He’s still here
He’s been with me a while now months turn to years, but iv still not come to terms with him being here, still feels as if we just met
Each day I see him, he looks me straight in the eyes, I try to look straight past him I try and I try
Unmissable in day, even more noticeable at night, no matter what I try to do in my daily life, he’ll be there to plant that seed of doubt
My confidence has fallen because he’s always putting me down, every time I try to smile it turns into a frown
He makes me paranoid where ever I may be, as everyone’s pointing whispering gossiping, curious to know about me
I tell myself time and time again, ‘dont let yourself become a victim of his vicious game’ At the end of the day I still feel the same, after all he is the one to blame
He was the reason I took the pills, telling me he’d go if I did as they say, at that time I would have done anything to make him go away
At first to please him I did just as they said, and then I began to use my own head
If he wanted a war just me against him, he could do his worst to my body but my mind wouldn’t let him win
We battled out weeks, months and years, until I was fully over the feeling of my fears
He didn’t go away, in fact he’s still here, but now to me his meaning has become crystal clear
He didn’t come to be my friend nor my enemy, I now think he was sent to bring out the better in me
I’m almost used to having him around, as if now a whole new me has now been found, I see everything so differently now , every time I look around
I see the world so bright now no longer staring at the ground
Maybe it was all meant to be, not by chance but defiantly, he was sent here looking for me
Since he came I saw the other side of the coin, perception on life changed
Was he really so bad after all?
He’s shown me not to live life in vein, no longer seeing things the same
He stuck around for so long, daily torture make me strong
Although at the time it felt wrong
I now feel glad he came along!