This will be the last time I will write about you again.
A heavy heart
A heavy mind
A weight too dumb to carry
A grip holding my neck
A mass drowning my lungs
It has been 2 months, almost 3
since the last time we spoke
and I swear, I can hear your voice
echoing, lingering.
I swear, I can still hear your voice
saying I love you like it's a joke
It has been 5 months
since the last time I held your hand
and I swear, I can still feel you
You're taking up too much space
Even in your absence
I can still feel you in the gaps between my fingers
I always adored you when you played the piano
I can only imagine
Your fingers commanding each key
Your smile
Your laugh
Writing major lifts
The distance between us
The misunderstandings
Our minor falls
I was becoming your sheet music
While you, the composer
I thought we had been making a symphony
but I didn't know you were a radical
You saw my embrace as an opportunity
to let loose your guarded heart
Or was it to break free a demon?
I became the keys, the tiles
where you pressed
your sharps,
your flats,
the imperfect
and interrupted cadences.
When we first met, you said I'll fall for your tunes
but I never even heard you finish a song
You played me when you needed healing
You played me when you needed consoling
You would beat at the drum
You would tug at the strings
You would perform a nocturne
You'd play your blues but never soul
I came over to your place one time
and I saw sheets of music sprawled out on your desk
Musical notations that I never heard from you
You had rhythms and melodies
Classics in comparison to the hymns you played to me
Unfamiliar beats, unfamiliar tones
It was a foreign feeling
I felt like I didn't even know you
It seemed like I wasn't your only concerto
You kept pushing
The white and the black keys
You kept pushing me
and maybe that's how we got caught up in gray
Now, I'm writing about you for the last time
Trying to press forward and never rewind
Silencing the chords vibrating between my lips
Tuning away from the sound of despair
Turning down the volume
Of a crack
A break
A shatter
of a heart
To this day, I still can't answer the question, "What's your favorite song?"