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cyndi4uPoems
My will is breaking, My body's shaking My brain is screaming, forcefully gating Myself to this heater, my classification is stuck at Keter Falling further, faster, deeper Is this all just one big dream, or Is this a dark nightmare? Or maybe the warm air Around me's turned to red noise, static, Fear response is automatic If I don't move from this spot then I can't Relapse this dark habit I can't move I can't breathe I can't hold on My brain's slipping Thoughts of red lines across my skin Consume my every waking whim I'm shivering like it's December As if I'm beneath the weather But I'm not It's real hot Underneath this heated spot I can't stop I can't stop Please forgive me if I walk This twisted tightrope once again Letting down all of my friends Making sure that it's hidden Until I can't keep it within Anymore, it bursts through my psyche Burning up from deep inside me A lust for something frightening And faster than lightning I have got a blade in hand Body moves without command I can't help myself I fight myself For control of my flesh, and My conscious SCREAMS at my defiance Screeching, "how DARE you defy this?" And I'm trying Oh, I'm trying, oh God, Please forgive my weakness Thoughts are stronger than my will, I feel like I'm falling ill, Like if I keep on fighting I'll pass out, or worse, I'll lose the duel I try to think of something ANYTHING **TO STOP THIS HELL, BUT YOU CAN'T ESCAPE YOUR MIND, AND YOU CAN'T ESCAPE YOURSELF** Stop it, Please just stop it, Can't you see how wrong this thought is Your friends and family beg you not to hurt yourself, but honestly You're just a giant coward with no regard for health If you can't fight through these urges, you won't make it by yourself So you burden others with your struggle As if that's stop this drug, you'll Never survive on your own, 'cause Your weakness is to the bone ***Only thinking of yourself, A ****** up mademoiselle Just keep writing, you lunatic Maybe you'll wear yourself down*** No! That's not what being said! Stupid voice inside my head I'd rather DIE than lose control over my body and mind, instead I'll rhyme with all my might, as That's my only way to fight, and It pushes you to somewhere you Can't control my hands My hands This body is mine And I'd tell you that you can't take what's not yours but then I realized For the first time The scariest reality A truth I wish I hadn't seen 'Cause even though I hate and antagonize you, You're me. But I'm slipping, oh I'm slipping And I can't seem to break free I know I'm so close to breaking Maybe letting go is more healthy? No, Not thinking that anymore That thought goes straight out the door Lock the handle, bar the windows, Barricade the corridors I won't let you reach me If anything, I'll make you see That becoming this parasite was the biggest mistake you'll make, A petty biohazard, that's all that you are A poisoned, greedy, harmful, needy thought and nothing more ***That's not true, I'm part of you, You can't hide from your own thoughts, You're a monster, you're insane and I'm just your entourage. Don't act all high and mighty, like I'm doing a disservice You said it yourself, you're a coward, you deserve this So just quit your ******** You've been itching For the pain and you know it Sometimes you just need a push A seed for you to start growing*** SHUT UP! SHUT UP!!! **I WON'T LISTEN TO YOUR LIES YOU'RE A DEMON PLAYING TRICKS ON ME, THE DEVIL IN DISGUISE LEAVE ME BE, JUST LEAVE ME BE, FOR GOD'S SAKE, YOU'VE ALREADY WON I'VE LOST MY FRIENDS TRUST, RESPECT, AND LOVE, SO JUST UNDERSTAND I'M DONE! I'M CURLED BENEATH A HEATER, SPOUTING RHYMES TO KEEP MY SANITY SO JUST LET ME SIT.** You can't make it worse than this.
0
Feb 2, 2020
Feb 2, 2020 at 3:44 AM UTC
Falling
My will is breaking, My body's shaking My brain is screaming, forcefully gating Myself to this heater, my classification is stuck at Keter Falling further, faster, deeper Is this all just one big dream, or Is this a dark nightmare? Or maybe the warm air Around me's turned to red noise, static, Fear response is automatic If I don't move from this spot then I can't Relapse this dark habit I can't move I can't breathe I can't hold on My brain's slipping Thoughts of red lines across my skin Consume my every waking whim I'm shivering like it's December As if I'm beneath the weather But I'm not It's real hot Underneath this heated spot I can't stop I can't stop Please forgive me if I walk This twisted tightrope once again Letting down all of my friends Making sure that it's hidden Until I can't keep it within Anymore, it bursts through my psyche Burning up from deep inside me A lust for something frightening And faster than lightning I have got a blade in hand Body moves without command I can't help myself I fight myself For control of my flesh, and My conscious SCREAMS at my defiance Screeching, "how DARE you defy this?" And I'm trying Oh, I'm trying, oh God, Please forgive my weakness Thoughts are stronger than my will, I feel like I'm falling ill, Like if I keep on fighting I'll pass out, or worse, I'll lose the duel I try to think of something ANYTHING **TO STOP THIS HELL, BUT YOU CAN'T ESCAPE YOUR MIND, AND YOU CAN'T ESCAPE YOURSELF** Stop it, Please just stop it, Can't you see how wrong this thought is Your friends and family beg you not to hurt yourself, but honestly You're just a giant coward with no regard for health If you can't fight through these urges, you won't make it by yourself So you burden others with your struggle As if that's stop this drug, you'll Never survive on your own, 'cause Your weakness is to the bone ***Only thinking of yourself, A ****** up mademoiselle Just keep writing, you lunatic Maybe you'll wear yourself down*** No! That's not what being said! Stupid voice inside my head I'd rather DIE than lose control over my body and mind, instead I'll rhyme with all my might, as That's my only way to fight, and It pushes you to somewhere you Can't control my hands My hands This body is mine And I'd tell you that you can't take what's not yours but then I realized For the first time The scariest reality A truth I wish I hadn't seen 'Cause even though I hate and antagonize you, You're me. But I'm slipping, oh I'm slipping And I can't seem to break free I know I'm so close to breaking Maybe letting go is more healthy? No, Not thinking that anymore That thought goes straight out the door Lock the handle, bar the windows, Barricade the corridors I won't let you reach me If anything, I'll make you see That becoming this parasite was the biggest mistake you'll make, A petty biohazard, that's all that you are A poisoned, greedy, harmful, needy thought and nothing more ***That's not true, I'm part of you, You can't hide from your own thoughts, You're a monster, you're insane and I'm just your entourage. Don't act all high and mighty, like I'm doing a disservice You said it yourself, you're a coward, you deserve this So just quit your ******** You've been itching For the pain and you know it Sometimes you just need a push A seed for you to start growing*** SHUT UP! SHUT UP!!! **I WON'T LISTEN TO YOUR LIES YOU'RE A DEMON PLAYING TRICKS ON ME, THE DEVIL IN DISGUISE LEAVE ME BE, JUST LEAVE ME BE, FOR GOD'S SAKE, YOU'VE ALREADY WON I'VE LOST MY FRIENDS TRUST, RESPECT, AND LOVE, SO JUST UNDERSTAND I'M DONE! I'M CURLED BENEATH A HEATER, SPOUTING RHYMES TO KEEP MY SANITY SO JUST LET ME SIT.** You can't make it worse than this.
The third in the RED series, looping in some Fire & Blood into the mix as well. Can you tell I needed an outlet? (๑•﹏•)
#venting#demons#selfharm#addiction#healing#freestyle#rap#rapping
cyndi4u
Written by
cyndi4u
F/An unending sea of agony
Feb 2, 2020
Feb 2, 2020 at 3:44 AM UTC
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