she wanted to die.
like you,
except, only once
at a time where you loved her
but didn't know it yet.
she - brown eyes,
perfect smile (at least you think so),
dimples, white teeth, obnoxious laugh.
you - tripping fingers, shaky hands,
full lungs, tapping feet,
brown eyes.
the two of you, dull.
unnoticed, like the warning labels
on your bottle of painkillers
and her prozac.
the warmth, absent and missing
like the liquor someone must
have taken from the refrigerator.
you thought, it's useless
to live for nothing except pain and
numbness and numbness
and numbness.
she thought, it's useless
to live for nothing.
the two of you, wanting to die
trying to die
but didn't. couldn't,
like that one time you wouldn't
get out of bed.
and now, together.
both smiling, laughing fully
but not complete.
the warmth, there but
not burning.
about just enough to keep a
fire going.
though she swears she feels
the heat,
you are still gaining back
your fingertips
from the numbness.
numbness.
numbness.
you thought, it's useless
to die if she is here.
and now, living.
the missing, gone
like the old medicine you flushed
instead of taking.
and your brown eyes, still dull.
hers, too.
except louder, now, and shinier.
demanding, like the heavy parts of the earth.
together, and complete.
she wanted to die.
and you wanted to die, too.
and "never again"
she says, "because you're never
leaving me,
and i'm never leaving you."