Lately
The days are growing longer
The sun inside of me is heavy
And tired under the weight of it all
All these days without you
The sky collapses again tonight and
I am drowned in yet another puddle
Of quiet tears that soak your pillow
In a memory so bitter sweet
I feel every muscle in my body go limp
As I force myself to remember your smile
Forgetting is easy
Easier than shrinking behind the cloud of doubt that follows me wherever I go
Sinking to the floor in a pile of broken bones
As if god himself had tossed me like a bowling ball
Making no apologies for the mess I've made of everything that was once in my path
People tell me I am honorable for "holding down the fort" while you are away and don't give it a second thought
They don't know the half of it
I want to say there's nothing honorable about holding everything together with pins and needles
Trying every day to keep myself together
Keep from falling apart at the seams
You made so many holes when you left
No number of nails could hope to hold down this fort without you
Because everything feels empty when you're gone
And you've been gone for so long
I don't even know what it feels like
to be whole anymore