cycle

and i'm back again

back to the sleepless nights

back to the crying into the abyss

back to the cage of my own mind

back to the grief over some unnamed loss

back to the pounding of my heart

back to the sense of imminent doom

back to the overwhelming anxiety

back to the craving of the pain

back to the imagining of freedom

back to the betrayal of my brain

back to the idealization

back to the "i'm fine"

i'll never escape

or at least it feels that way

this is the reason

no one can truly understand people who commit

unless they've been on the edge themselves

because a permanent solution

only seems appealing

when the problem also seems permanent

and right now?

i can't see any future

not defined

by everything i feel

at this moment

because every time

i think i'm done with it

it comes right back

an

inevitable

unending

endless

cycle

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