I wake up in the morning hungry
I drink a black coffee
If you don't watch the calories you'll gain weight
Hours pass during the day,
I feel hungry
I serve myself lunch careful to make sure that the calories aren't too many
I go exercise and convince myself that I have made it through the day
Hours pass
I feel hungry
I feel empty.
I feel the whole weight of the world on my shoulders
I feel like there is a black hole inside of my core and it is eating me from the inside and it wants to be filled and this jittery feeling takes over and if I don't stop it nothing will.
It can't be just hunger.
How can it be just hunger when I feel the sensation of being completely empty all the way from the top of my head to my toes?
I decide to get dinner,
A sandwich, a pasta bowl, chips.
I can't control how much I eat anymore,
I just know that this black hole feels too much and it is too empty,
it can never be filled.
I give in to it.
I eat too much.
I come back to my room
I get in the shower,
the only thing separating me from being back in control is two fingers pushing on the back of my throat
I feel empty again but this time I won