Sitting in front of the vanity
Going thru the motions of getting ready
Glancing at the floor
*seeing myself lying there
fetal position, wailing*
Sitting watching TV
With the love of my life
Glancing at the walls
*seeing myself throwing the remote
breaking whatever I can, yelling*
I'm at work
Talking to my colleagues
*looking at their faces
punching everyone*
Going into my room
Looking at my youngest
He's sleeping peacefully
***Seeing myself holding him
Trying to keep his hallucinations
His depression
His suicidal thoughts
All at bay***…
This I do
I hold him
Only as a mother can
Praying to God
To heal his mind
Knowing this, this is why
*Why I see myself
Lying on the bathroom floor
Breaking whatever I can
Physically assaulting my coworkers*
All I can do is pray
All I can do is hope
Pray and hope for my child
For him to be better
For him to thrive