To sit silently in an empty room, sometimes you feel relief and relaxation. But normally you feel trapped, secluded, agitated and annoyed. You get to the point that you start to get frustrated, dying and begging for some one to spend time with you. You know you could do so much with the time you're given...Laundry, homework, anything. but you don't...and you can't get your mind off of the silly things that plague you. Silly things like a software you can't afford that has assignments due in four days, concerts you have to rehearse for and songs you have to pick, classes you keep forgetting and due to sickness you tend to miss, the guilt trips you friends keep pulling and their stupid little tricks. You don't want to be used any more and you don't want to be fucked...but you don't want to be alone so you call all you can - does any one answer? No of course they don't.
Worrying about your appearance and worrying about your friends. Worrying about your grade point average and worrying about your head. You sit and ponder how your family now views you and now you're again sick in bed...Your head is simply spinning and you just can't stop the ride. You want an understanding as you sit there in your room alone, to why you feel so helpless and why the world is cold as stone. You simply want some one else there, just another presence in the room...whether they talk or not is not the problem, but seriously they never come. How much you want the person to climb in bed with you, and wrap you in his arms. You are alone, you don't want to be, you want to do nothing instead of something, you want him to be there and prove that you're wanted, you want to feel needed. If you could simply be worth while or worth anything to at least one person, you think you might not feel so alone... But when he doesn't answer, or denies the attention you're craving...you feel even more alone then you did in the first place. Loneliness... such a double sided blade.