I heard you got hit by that train on your 17th birthday
Smoking weed on the tracks
Too bad it was only my dream
I wish the fall onto concrete left scars on your face instead of scrapes
I wish the cops caught you that night
Or the night after that
I would have wanted them to lock you up
You threw away the key to my heart
Pressed it flat like a keepsake penny made by machines
I wish I died when I crashed my car for the third time in a year
I know you wished I hadn’t walked away
Wish you weren’t the first person I texted
It has taken me nine months to start getting over you
Its been 5 weeks since I last cried in vain over your memory
It has taken the touch of six men to scrape you off of my skin
I heard every seven years all of your cells renew themselves
By 2019 you will have never touched me
I find some sort of peace in that
It has taken me nine months to think about loving someone else
But here I am
three weeks into a relationship and I'm doing perfectly fine
without you
I still know your middle name and the sound of your laughter
But somewhere I have forgotten your favorite color
I remember where all your hidden freckles are
But I have forgotten the weight of your skin
I could draw your bones on canvas with my eyes closed
I could not color your eyes in or the shape of your lips
I suppose I’m getting closer to forgetting you altogether
There are still remnants of you
Like 2 year old gum stuck to a sidewalk
Is it ever really gone?
Now when people think of us
They think of us as separate people
They pair you with the girl who salivates on your arm
Love was never the mistake
You were the mistake
Im stuck here with burn holes in my thighs
With vacant lonely eyes
I used to call you:
H o m e.
I should have never let a boy matter so much
I am made of stardust and rot
Never should have let you in
You never made me feel as special as I did to you
Dropped me in your kitchen when things got too hot
Looked at the shards on the floor and didn’t bother to sweep me up
Never thought about gluing me back together
You always said you didn’t know what youd do without me
But you do know
Today is six months with the girl you supposedly love now
Her name still makes me shudder a little
and when I saw you last I cried for 20 minutes
It burns me in unseen places to look at pictures of you two together
It burns me to know I am not the one you want