Not-So-Heroic Couplets, by Donald Trump

These are couplets written by Donald Trump and limericks and other Donald Trump poems "care of" Michael R. Burch (please note that these are parodies) ... Not-So-Heroic Couplets by Donald Trump care of Michael R. Burch To outfox the pox: off yourself first, with Clorox! And since death is the goal, mainline Lysol! No vaccine? Just chug Mr. Clean! Is a cure out of reach? Fumigate your lungs, with bleach! To immunize your thorax, destroy it with Borax! To immunize your bride, drown her in Opti-cide! To end all future gridlocks, gargle with Vaprox! Now, quick, down the Drain-o with old Insane-o NoBrain-o! Keywords/Tags: Donald Trump, coronavirus, president, poet, poems, poetry, heroic couplets, humor, Clorox, disinfectants, light verse, parody, satire, mrbtrump, mrbcouplets What REALLY Happened by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Trump lied and lied and lied. Americans died and died and died. Grime Wave by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Donald Trump is hard on crime ... unless it's his own grime. Trump Love by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Trump "love" is truly a curious thing ... does he care for our kids half as much as his bling? Tangled Webs by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Oh, what tangled webs they weave when Trump and his toupée seek to deceive! No Star by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Trump, you're no "star." Putin made you an American Czar. Now, if we continue down this dark path you've chosen, pretty soon we'll all be wearing lederhosen. Raw Spewage (I) by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Trump is a chump who talks through his rump; he's a political sump pump! Green Eggs and Spam by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" I do not like your racist ways! I do not like your hate for gays! I do not like your gaseous rump! I do not like you, Crotch-Grabber Trump! I do not like you here or there! I do not like you anywhere! Your brain's been trapped in a lifelong slump And I do not like you, Hate-Baiter Trump! Apologies to España by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" the reign in Trump’s brain falls mainly as mansplain Stumped and Stomped by Trump by Michael R. Burch There once was a candidate, Trump, whose message rang clear at the stump: "Vote for me, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!, because I am ME, and everyone else is a chump!" Humpty Trumpty by Michael R. Burch Humpty Trumpty called for a wall. Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall. Now all the Grand Wizards and Faux PR men Can never put Trumpty together again. The Hair Flap by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" The hair flap was truly a scare: Trump’s bald as a billiard back there! The whole nation laughed At the state of his graft; Now the man’s wigging out, so beware! Roses are red, Daffodils are yellow, But not half as daffy As that taffy-colored fellow! ―Michael R. Burch Trump’s real goals are obvious and yet millions of Americans remain oblivious. —Michael R. Burch Poets laud Justice’s high principles. Trump just gropes her raw genitals. —Michael R. Burch The Ex-Prez Sez The prez should be above the law, he sez, even though he’s no longer prez. —Michael R. Burch Quite Con-trary by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Trumpy, Trumpy, fat, balding and lumpy, how does your Rose Garden grow? “With venom and spleen and everything mean, and my gasket about to blow!” Trumpy, Trumpy, obese and dumpy, why are your polls so low? “I claimed I was Cyrus at war with a virus but lost every time to the minuscule foe!” Piecemeal, a Coronavirus poem by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" And so it begins—the ending. The narrowing veins, the soft tissues rending. Your final solution is pending. (Soon a portly & pale Piggy-Wiggy will discount your death as "no biggie.") Viral Donald (I) by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Donald Trump is coronaviral: his brain's in a downward spiral. That pale nimbus of hair proves there's nothing up there but an empty skull, fluff and denial. Viral Donald (II) by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Why didn't Herr Trump, the POTUS, protect us from the Coronavirus? That weird orange corona of hair's an alarm: Trump is the Virus in Human Form! Red State Reject by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" I once was a pessimist but now I’m more optimistic, ever since I discovered my fears were unsupported by any statistic. The Red State Reaction by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Where the hell are they hidin’ Sleepy Joe Biden? And how the hell can the bleep Do so much, IN HIS SLEEP? The Final Episode of Celebrity Apprentice President by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Ronald McDonald said to The Donald, "Just between us clowns, your polls are too low!" So The Donald thought hard then said to his pard, "It's because I'm a martyr. The world must know!" Thus Eric Trump jumped from his obese Trump rump to declare the virus a "hoax." (End of show.) modern Midas by michael r. burch they say nothing human's alive yet the Hermit survived: the last of His kind, clean out of His mind. they say He relentlessly washes His fingers, as dainty as ever, yet the smell of death lingers. they say it sets off His corona of hair when He blanches with fear in his Mansion Faire. they say He still spritzes each strand into place though there’s no one to see in that hellish place. they say there’s a moral in what He’s become as He fondles gold trinkets and cradles His john. Mother of Cowards by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" So unlike the brazen giant of Greek fame With conquering limbs astride from land to land, Spread-eagled, showering gold, a strumpet stands: A much-used trollop with a torch, whose flame Has long since been extinguished. And her name? "Mother of Cowards!" From her enervate hand Soft ash descends. Her furtive eyes demand Allegiance to her Pimp's repulsive game. "Keep, ancient lands, your wretched poor!" cries she With scarlet lips. "Give me your hale, your whole, Your huddled tycoons, yearning to be pleased! The wretched refuse of your toilet hole? Oh, never send one unwashed child to me! I await Trump's pleasure by the gilded bowl!" Toupée or Not Toupée, That is the Question by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" There once was a brash billionaire who couldn't afford decent hair. Vexed voters agreed: "We're a nation in need!" But toupée the price, do we dare? Toupée or Not Toupée, This is the Answer by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Oh crap, we elected Trump prez! Now he's Simon: we must do what he sez! For if anyone thinks And says his "plan" stinks, He'll wig out 'neath that weird orange fez! White as a Sheet by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Donald Trump had a real Twitter Scare then rushed off to fret, vent and share: “How dare Bernie quote what I just said and wrote? Like Megyn he’s mean, cruel, unfair!” Raw Spewage (II) by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Trump is a chump who talks through his rump; he's a garbage dump in need of a sump pump! we did not Dye in vain! by Michael R. Burch from “songs of the sea snails” though i’m just a slimy crawler, my lineage is proud: my forebears gave their lives (oh, let the trumps blare loud!) so purple-mantled Royals might stand out in a crowd. i salute you, fellow loyals, who labor without scruple as your incomes fall while deficits quadruple to swaddle unjust Lords in bright imperial purple! Notes: In ancient times the purple dye produced from the secretions of purpura mollusks (sea snails) was known as “Tyrian purple,” “royal purple” and “imperial purple.” It was greatly prized in antiquity, and was very expensive according to the historian Theopompus: “Purple for dyes fetched its weight in silver at Colophon.” Thus, purple-dyed fabrics became status symbols, and laws often prevented commoners from possessing them. The production of Tyrian purple was tightly controlled in Byzantium, where the imperial court restricted its use to the coloring of imperial silks. A child born to the reigning emperor was literally porphyrogenitos ("born to the purple") because the imperial birthing apartment was walled in porphyry, a purple-hued rock, and draped with purple silks. Royal babies were swaddled in purple; we know this because the iconodules, who disagreed with the emperor Constantine about the veneration of images, accused him of defecating on his imperial purple swaddling clothes! Twinkle Wrinkles by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Twinkle, twinkle, little "star" ... Trump, how we wished you blazed afar! Twinkle, twinkle, Groper-Cupid ... How we've wished you weren't so stupid! Twinkle, twinkle, Man-Baby "president" ... In truth you're just the White House resident. Americans have the opportunity to greatly improve their community with votes a-plenty in 2020. Dump Trump! —Michael R. Burch Joe Biden, Joe Biden, our future is ridin’ on you defeatin’ and hidin’ that cancerous lump called Trump. —Michael R. Burch The Perfect Storm by Michael R. Burch Stormy Daniels is Trump's worst nightmare— a truthteller, a woman without fear, full of spunk, unimpressed by his junk, that he can't debunk. Aftermath by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Carmen Yulín Cruz is a hero. Donald Trump is a zero. 15 Seconds by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Our president’s sex life—atrocious! His "briefings"—bizarre hocus-pocus! Politics—a shell game! My brief moment of fame flashed by before Oprah could notice! March for Our Lives by Michael R. Burch It's not a moment, it's a MOVEMENT created to save innocents from the grave. Tweety and Pootie sittin' in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, second comes marriage, third barechested weasels in a White House carriage! —Michael R. Burch Three Trump Valentine's Day Poems 1. If you're tall, blonde and pretty, I'll grab your kitty. If you're dark-skinned and short, It's time to deport! 2. I'll secure your southern border tonight, as long as you're wearing white! 3. If you're not as hot as my daughter, beware; prepare for the slaughter! Why did Trump endorse Roy "Score" Moore when Nostradumbass claimed he "knew" the Sludge Judge couldn't win? ... Predators of a feather flock together. —Michael R. Burch Kneeling Verboten by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Colin Kaepernick took a stand by kneeling; now Donald Trump is reeling as the NFL owners he implored lock hands with the players he deplored. How the Fourth Reich Ramped Up by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Trump prepped his pale Deplorables: "You're easy marks and scorables! Now when I bray click your heels, obey, and I'll soon promote you to Horribles!" Trump Trumps "We The People" by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Trump fired Comey to appoint a homey: some pawn in his Kamp with a big rubber stamp. Out the window flew freedom! Rights? You don't need 'em! Like Attilâ the Hun, Trump answers to no one! Do you think you have worth? Trump makes you his serf. He's your Lord and your Master: you elected DISASTER. Pass the Hat for the Fat Cat by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" If you're a Fat Cat, vote for an Autocrat; otherwise, stick with a Democrat ... or get ready to pass the hat for yourself, doomed by that strange little pixie-fingered orange elf. Sexual Assaulter-in-Chief by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Ronald McDonald Trump Bozo bopped Bill Clinton Clown on the nose: “Oh, I’ll trump your cigar with my groping, by far, when I bounce interns on my Big Pogo!” Trump's Donor Song by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" (lines written after it became apparent that Trump is not "draining the swamp" but stocking it with his crocodilian donors and political piranha) christmas is coming, the Trumpster's purse is flat: please put a Billion in the Fat Cat's hat! if you haven't got a Billion, a Hundred Mil will do. if you haven't got a Hundred Mil, the yoke's on you! Alt-Right White Christmas by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Trump's dreaming of a White Christmas, just like the ones he used to know when black renters groveled or lived in hovels while he laughed and shouted Ho-Ho-Ho! Trumped by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Trump Is a chump, He’s an Orange Heffalump. His hair? Made of batter. His brain? Fecal matter. His “plans”? A disaster. His “position”? Your Master! Fool's Gold by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" THE DONALD has won (so we're told). If it's true, worthless swampland's been sold! But who were the buyers? Poor folks who trust liars and pay through the nose for fool's gold. Bunko by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Agent Orange is full of bunk: Tiny-fingered, he claims a big "trunk." And his "platform"? Oh my, I think we'd all die! And he can't even claim he was drunk! NOTE: Donald Trump claims that he doesn't drink alcohol, except when he partakes of Holy Communion. However, Trump insulted the body and blood of Jesus Christ when he spoke dismissively of his "little cracker" and "little wine." He claims to be a Christian, but also said that he never asks God for forgiveness! Is he punch drunk or just pulling our legs about being a Christian? De-Bunko by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" There's something I'd like to debunk: the GOP's not in a "funk." The Donald, by choice, is its unfiltered voice. Vote for someone who's sane, or we're sunk! Fooling Around by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Ronald McDonald Trump-Bozo cried, “Clinton Clown cheats with his yo-yo! He plays fast and loose! It’s clearly abuse! Whereas broads love to bounce on my pogo!” BTW, it's amusing that Rudy Giuliani is now Trump's surrogate, defending him from accusations of sexual assault and other improprieties by scores of women, when in a 2000 "Mayor's Inner Circle" video, Giuliani in drag had his "breasts" schmoozed by The Donald, after which Giuliani slapped his face and called him a "dirty boy." Obviously, Giuliani was well aware of Trump's reputation for grabbing and groping women without bothering to ask for their permission! Trump's outrageous behavior was a running joke among alpha males in his circle. In 1993, fellow bad boy Howard Stern asked Trump directly: “So you treat women with respect?” Trump answered honestly: “No, I can’t say that either.” And hundreds of chauvinistic public statements and tweets by Trump confirm that he doesn't treat women with respect, or minorities, or anyone that he considers "weak" or "overweight" or "unattractive." Trumping Tots by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Things that go bump in the night fill Herr Trump with irrational fright; his brain hits the skids; he shrieks, "Ban dark kids!" Where's his self-lauded "courage" and "might"? Is cowardice Trump's kryptonite? Trump Explains Why His Hair Looks Like Shit: It's Been Bleached By Drool by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" "Although my hands are quite tiny, I have an enormous hiney; so I stick my head in, predicting I’ll win, while everyone kisses it shiny!" The Name and Blame Game by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" If you have a slightly offbeat name, you'll be de-planed, detained, restrained, defamed. Supremacists know pure white names are best, so be prepared to prove you're among the Blessed. (Woe unto those who fail Trump's Litmus Test!) Trump the Game Plan by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" There once was a huckster named Trump who liked to be kissed on the rump. He promised awed voters if they'd be his promoters, he'd magically fix up their dump. Now the voters were dreaming of Ronald and hoping they'd found him in Donald. And so, lightly "thinking" after much heavy drinking, they put out, as if they'd been fondled. But once he'd secured the election Trump found his fans cause for dejection. "I only love tens!" he complained to his "friends," then deported them: black, white and Mexican. Thus Donald fulfilled his sworn duties by ridding the land of non-cuties. Once the plain Janes were gone he could smile on his throne surrounded by imported beauties! Egad, what a cad; the Orange Heffalump scowls when he sees a baby bump! Like the Grinch who stole Christmas (but every day of the year), The Donald eyes happy mothers with a leer! ―Michael R. Burch NOTE: Donald Trump actually body-shamed Kim Kardashian for having a baby bump, saying that she was "large" and ought to watch the kind of clothes she wears in public! Donald Trump Campaign Songs Christmas is coming! Tycoons are getting fat! TRUMP says, "Take a piss in some beggar's hat! Beat him to a pulp then run him out of town if he dares object to the MAN with the GOLDEN CROWN. And if you're not a Christian, nothing else will do! But if you're just like TRUMP, then may TRUMP bless you! ―Michael R. Burch SANTA CLAWS is coming to town! He sees Spics when they're sleeping and Blacks when they're awake! He knows that Whites are always good, but dark skin is God's mistake. So if you're some poor orphan with slightly darker skin, BIG BROTHER will be WATCHING all blacks and Mexicans! ―Michael R. Burch Poets laud Justice’s high principles. Trump just gropes her raw genitals. —Michael R. Burch Dark Shroud, Silver Lining by Michael R. Burch Trump cares so little for the silly pests who rise to swarm his rallies that he jests: “The silver lining of this dark corona is that I’m not obliged to touch the fauna!” Zip It by Michael R. Burch Trump pulled a cute stunt, wore his pants back-to-front, and now he’s the butt of bald jokes: “Is he coming, or going?” “Eeek! His diaper is showing!” But it’s all much ado, says Snopes. Mini-Ode to a Quickly Shrinking American Icon by Michael R. Burch Rudy, Rudy, strange and colludy, how does your pardon grow? “With demons like hell’s and progress like snails’ and criminals all in a row!” Christmas is Coming alternate lyrics by Michael R. Burch Christmas is coming; Trump’s goose is getting plucked. Please put the Ukraine in his pocketbook. If you haven’t got the Ukraine, some bartered Kurds will do. But if you’re short on blackmail, well, the yoke’s on you! Christmas is coming and Rudy can’t make bail. Please send LARGE donations, or the Cause may fail. If you haven’t got a billion, five hundred mil will do. But if you’re short on cash, the LASH will fall on you! Keywords/Tags: Trump, Donald Trump, poems, epigrams, quotes, quotations, Rudy Giuliani, Ted Cruz, Cancun, Christmas, evil, democracy, coup, treason, treasonous, coronavirus, president, poet, poems, poetry, heroic couplets, couplet, humor, humorous, Clorox, Lysol, disinfectants, light verse, parody, satire, America In My House by Michael R. Burch I was once the only caucasian in the software company I founded and managed. I had two fine young black programmers working for me, and they both had keys to my house. This poem looks back to the dark days of slavery and the Civil War it produced. When you were in my house you were not free— in chains bound. "Manifest Destiny?" I was wrong; my plantation burned to the ground. I was wrong. This is my song, this is my plea: I was wrong. When you are in my house, now, I am not free. I feel the song hurling itself back at me. We were wrong. This is my history. I feel my tongue stilting accordingly. We were wrong; brother, forgive me. Published by Black Medina Keywords/Tags: Race, Racism, Black Lives Matter, Equality, Brotherhood, Fraternity, Sisterhood, Tolerance, Acceptance, Civil Rights Instruction by Michael R. Burch Toss this poem aside to the filigreed and the prettified tide of sunset. Strike my name, and still it is all the same. The onset of night is in the despairing skies; each hut shuts its bright bewildered eyes. The wind sighs and my heart sighs with her— my only companion, O Lovely Drifter! Still, men are not wise. The moon appears; the arms of the wind lift her, pooling the light of her silver portent, while men, impatient, are beings of hurried and harried despair. Now willows entangle their fragrant hair. Men sleep. Cornsilk tassels the moonbright air. Deep is the sea; the stars are fair. I reap. Originally published by Romantics Quarterly Published as the collection "Not-So-Heroic Couplets"

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