Escape Plan (by Kristie Ledwith Townsend)
17 May 2012 at 06:39
I feel no pain,as I slice myself again
all I feel is numb, dumb, brains gone
disgust and loathing at myself, shame
not a chance of laughter, long gone, my fun.
when was the last time I laughed?
really giggled? until I could no longer catch my breathe?
when did I last let loose? Carefree?
when was my sarcasim, last at its best? dreft?
I look at myself in the mirror, what do I see?
who is that? eyes dead? lifeless, staring back at me?
when hollow, insincere words escape empty shell
I pray that today, I finally leave this life, my self imposed hell.
I've planned it now, my final goodbye
down to the very last letter, not even a half arsed try
yes I am thinking of my children, yes I am thinking of you
You'd be better off without me, without the damage you know I'd do
please do not save me, not this time
I want to meet my maker, I want to converse with the divine
I no longer wish to merely exsist, not on this earthly plane
No more shame, nor blame, not in this 'Townsend' name
I am being selfless, not selfish, please ,please see
I am thinking of us all, and not just pathetic ole me
Please don't mourn for something filled with age old scourn
For I will be glad, to no longer be , an involuntary Pawn.
I shall smile at the gates of heaven
if indeed that is my intended destination
pain gone, carefree, just me
finally I can be the spirit I've always wanted to be
if you think me selfish, if you think me bad
save that energy for something more productive
for someone who'll be glad you had
for that is a wasted emotion on me, I am not sad,
for at last feeling free, How I always wanted to be.......
Just me.......Kristie
Sep 23, 2016
Sep 23, 2016 at 3:04 PM UTC
Escape Plan (by Kristie Ledwith Townsend)
17 May 2012 at 06:39
I feel no pain,as I slice myself again
all I feel is numb, dumb, brains gone
disgust and loathing at myself, shame
not a chance of laughter, long gone, my fun.
when was the last time I laughed?
really giggled? until I could no longer catch my breathe?
when did I last let loose? Carefree?
when was my sarcasim, last at its best? dreft?
I look at myself in the mirror, what do I see?
who is that? eyes dead? lifeless, staring back at me?
when hollow, insincere words escape empty shell
I pray that today, I finally leave this life, my self imposed hell.
I've planned it now, my final goodbye
down to the very last letter, not even a half arsed try
yes I am thinking of my children, yes I am thinking of you
You'd be better off without me, without the damage you know I'd do
please do not save me, not this time
I want to meet my maker, I want to converse with the divine
I no longer wish to merely exsist, not on this earthly plane
No more shame, nor blame, not in this 'Townsend' name
I am being selfless, not selfish, please ,please see
I am thinking of us all, and not just pathetic ole me
Please don't mourn for something filled with age old scourn
For I will be glad, to no longer be , an involuntary Pawn.
I shall smile at the gates of heaven
if indeed that is my intended destination
pain gone, carefree, just me
finally I can be the spirit I've always wanted to be
if you think me selfish, if you think me bad
save that energy for something more productive
for someone who'll be glad you had
for that is a wasted emotion on me, I am not sad,
for at last feeling free, How I always wanted to be.......
Just me.......Kristie
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