Loss,
Who I was,
Before I lost
The me I used to lure.
I dream of the creamsicles,
The winter dry, but warm sun.
I dream of all the times
I felt like the one.
The one who lived,
The one who sang,
The one who didn’t drown in pain.
But she’s somewhere far,
And I can’t find out where.
She left before I could ask her,
Where did she go
When it all disappeared?
I search for her in the willows,
Tiptoeing to not scare her away,
Searching every crevice,
’Cause I want her to stay.
Stay for just a moment,
Remain for one more day.
I promise I will hold her
And not scare her away.
I made my mistakes
And turned too many tables to keep track,
And sometimes I wish too hard
That she would just come back.
But you can’t enter a shut door,
The glue and tears
Can’t hold it together anymore.
It kills because it was you
Who locked it tight,
With all your might,
And now you’re left
With an empty heart
That’s jarred in fright.
My heart sounds like it fled
Used to pump loud for days,
And now I fear it’s dead.
The red started to fray,
It’s a swollen blue.
How can I breathe
When I gave out my air to all of you?
Told myself I’m strange and weird,
Told myself no one will care,
Told myself it is all me
I can’t become,
’Cause who will I be?
Eyes shut tight,
And ink on the floor,
Old notebooks with words
I don’t remember anymore.
And I cry of loss,
And hopes and dreams,
When it was me
Who didn’t let myself believe.
Can I hate myself
For hiding from the masses
Of people shouting,
And crowds
That don’t understand my passion?
Can I be mad at myself
That I care too much?
My heart was made bigger,
No blood is ever enough.
I know it’s not my fault,
Just a way to survive,
But each time I see an
Old picture,
I can’t help but grab
That little piece left of her
In the back of my head,
And hold my broken heart
With a needle and thread.