an air of disappointment in the breath before I speak. sorry Im not strong enough to bring this out from underneath. you can see it spelled in black, behind the things that I sing. then lack of explanation, intention and retreat. forgive me, im cryptic, all of this is new. I’m learning how to walk again but I can’t keep up with you. let me lie down, let me sound a smile in your ear. tie it up like puppet strings and pull away my fear.
because the moon carries a fresh terror, and I’m taunted in my sleep. for what i hide from myself, what im faced with in my dreams. an uneven change of pressure in the space under my chest, failing to contain those little broken breaths.
now promises are pennies to me, I melt them for their zinc. can’t take your glassy eyes on me as I’m standing on brink. dark blue sky and last month’s winds, in the air under my palm. you’re in the window ‘cross the street and im half way gone. trembling in fear, desperate screams from two floors down, I’m shaking, making heavy steps, to an awful heaving sound.
go back inside your bedroom, look away and do it now. ‘cause I don’t want you to remember what I looked like on the ground.
again back in darkness, heart still pounding, fear still real. I’m left with only memories of that rusty window sill.