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another december

I've been sleeping in odd places

next to a ***** blanket

on the floor of this cold apartment.

I get little sleep because my insomnia

keeps saying ridiculous ****

and its starting to scare me.

 

I find myself frozen when he asks me

Do you think you know yourself

He tells me I care too much about the answers

I tell him he isn't very good company.

He tells me I try too hard for others

that I'm only going to get my heart broken.

I tell him it's still worth it

He crawls closer to the couch

and impersonates my crying.

 

I've been sleeping in odd places

next to a confused womanizer

on the bed that can't stop squeaking.

They never look at me directly

they can't afford to find attachment

under these eyes of mine

when it's only the cuffing season

 

I've been sleeping in odd places

next to my anxiety

on the floor of my mind.  

I'm clutching onto these old photographs

like little snippets of my life

I'm trying to piece myself together

with all the bad that I have done

So I'll cut all these photos

Keep some to collage myself

And make some meaning of it all

 

I've been sleeping in odd places

Under the Tennessee stars

Swaying in my hammock

I hear the fire crackle

And I know this is a photo

I'll keep for myself

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Written by
cassiopeia_nap
26 / Gender Nonconforming
Published
Dec 10, 2017
Lines·Words
38·233
Notes

It's not all bad

Tags
#cold#december#apathy#insomnia#confusion
Permission

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