i dream you die in a car crash
your body is mangled and bloodied and i'm screaming
this loss is quantified by this massive translucent black space that occupies my field of dream-vision
i cry unwilling to believe it
and then you call me
and i am flooded with this feeling of cosmic truth,
that if something were to happen to you i would have felt it
you break up with me over the phone for a second time
but while you're doing it i can see you while i hear you
and you're saying to me: i love you, i love you, i love you
your family keeps on having parties to celebrate your recovery
and my family goes so i go too
and i sit at your bedside and talk to you
and i am always overwhelmed seeing you
remembering you
i look at your basement
and there are catalogues of all the girls who weren't me
you are bruised and scratched and bloody and stitched
and your hair is longer and wavy and i close my eyes against you
when you're strong enough you leave
and in my dreams i move on to someone stronger and taller
knowing already he and i do not work out
i tell my dad about this over coffee
and he says there is a part of me that thinks you're divine
always
always