Your constant cry, beckoning me
Promising safety from the angst
“Come to me, I will give you peace.
Bring your savage desires
And I promise you deliverance.”
But you replaced the angst with destruction.
You declared your promise of joy
“Hide your spirit away and you can sleep.
Put the music down and forget all shadows of independence.
Your song does not deserve to be heard.”
I was enamored with you, and desired your joy.
I put myself away and forgot myself in your slumber.
You became the core of my desires.
What friend could possibly give me more, or so I thought.
“Keep our love secret.
Friends, family will not understand how much I love you.
They only seek to tear you apart from me.
Keep our love close so that I can slowly kill you.”
To end this extinction of character,
I must leave you behind.
You have been my friend, my savior.
You have kept me safe, or so I thought.
I love you, I need you.
How could you be yet another thing that pretended to love me.
How can I trust and believe in deliverance
When all those I have relied on have betrayed me?
Yet, somehow I must put you away.
I don’t want my body to continue to degrade,
My organs to eventually fail.
I don’t want to die spiritually. I want to feel myself again.
I am tired of being numb.
Please, God, give me the strength to overcome this.