I stare at you
Every morning
As I wonder
If it’s worth
Getting ready.
I stare at you
Every night
As I question
Myself why
I’m even here.
You embody everything
That is negative —
The feelings of helplessness,
Hopelessness, worthlessness
And thoughts of self harm.
Every time I see you
My chest tightens
And my heart is heavy,
And I feel like someone
Left the faucet on
As the tears form in my
Eyes and as they flow
Down my face and
I can taste the pain
That you’ve brought
To me and into my life —
All the missed events
With friends and family,
The precious seconds
That I could’ve spent
By myself,
Improving my sense of
Self worth and what I
Can bring to society and
Most importantly to myself.
But instead I stand there
Looking into your dark,
Black, empty eyes as
You stare back at me
And I feel my soul being
Taken out of my body
And my heart being twisted
By your dark, cold hands
With your nails digging
Deeper and deeper until I bleed.
You shove my head into
The toilet bowl like back
In high school until I gasp
For air every time I come up
And I suffocate with
Every breath because the
Air I breathe in is the same
Air that your breathe out
And it’s toxic and poisonous
Like the air our great grandfathers
Breathed back in World War I
Mustard gas they called it.
I call it by another name
But they have the same
Effects and I call it Life.
You stare at me with your
Cold eyes and I can feel
My heart, my soul let out
An endless cry as you plunge
The knife deeper and deeper.
You whisper into my ears
That I should say good bye
To the world forever because
My friends and family are better
Off without me.
You snicker loudly as I hold
The knife against my wrists
Shaking with fear and regret
With tears flowing my cheeks
And I cowardly make shallow
Cuts until I begin to bleed
But then I stopped myself
Because I realized who you are,
I recognized the face staring back
At me as I stare at you.
You copy everything I do,
Every move I make,
Every word I speak
And every thought I think
You are my reflection.