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Next time what I'd do is look at
the earth before saying anything. I'd stop
just before going into a house
and be an emperor for a minute
and listen better to the wind
      or to the air being still.

When anyone talked to me, whether
blame or praise or just passing time,
I'd watch the face, how the mouth
has to work, and see any strain, any
sign of what lifted the voice.

And for all, I'd know more -- the earth
bracing itself and soaring, the air
finding every leaf and feather over
forest and water, and for every person
the body glowing inside the clothes
    like a light.
The daffodils peaked early,
they line your resting place.
There is a sea of faces,
some blank, some bleak.
Many I do not see.
You are scattered among the crowd.
Your eyes, your nose, your lips.
Your mother is drowned.

I've never believed in Heaven,
but on this day I believe
that you have to find peace
and solace
in your self-induced sleep.
A s
A n
E x c u s e
T o
T o u c h
Y o u r
N e c k
I
T o l d
Y o u
I
W o u l d
C o u n t
Y o u r
F r e c k l e s

A n d
A l t h o u g h
I t
M a y b e
T o o k
S o m e
T i m e

Y o u
H a ve
Seventeen
This is for Mac
All the faces in the trees
They talk to me
They tell me things
I already know
But they won't tell me
Won't tell me
Won't tell me where to go

And, oh, I know
It's worse before it's better
It's worse than ever
And I don't know where to go
And so, and so, and so,

I'll try to pull this together
But I'm ****** if I do,
I'm ****** if I don't
You can chase me through these years
But I won't let you take me
I won't, I won't, I won't

My direction is lost, my focus is gone
This is going all so very wrong
I am blind, I am mute
I've got the gun, but no one to shoot
Hand me my noose
The screws are getting loose

And when loneliness steals
All I've ever known
When I've forgotten it all
When I've never grown
I stand there, stand there
I stand there, I'm all alone

And, oh, I know
It's worse before it's better
It's worse than ever
And I don't know where to go
And so, and so, and so,

Into the dark, into the ground
That is where I want to be found
Hand me my noose
And I'll look for an excuse
To lay myself down
For this is the season
Of my own worst treason
I need you….to say

"Oh, darling, I know
It's worse before it's better
It's worse than ever
But one day you'll know
On day I'll show you
Where to go
And so, and so, and so

Hand me your noose
And we'll call this a truce
Step back from the edge
Step down from that ledge
Drop the shovel, drop the gun
I promise you, I'll be the one.

And so, and so, and so
Don't leave me, don't go
I'll always love, you,
This you know."
And so…

Hand me my pen
Hand me my brush
I'll put this all out on paper
I'll go slow, I won't rush
I'll find my way through this maze
I'll find my way through this haze
It's been worse, worse than ever
But I'm finally ready to get better.
Written 2009
On a silent stage
In an empty room
I dream of standing
Before a roaring crowd
But for now
The silent ghosts
In the seats
Will do
Do not stand at my grave and weep..
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star-shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry..
I am not there. I did not die.

— The End —