Help me understand. Help me come to a conclusion. Why I am the way I am.
Help me decipher my inner thoughts. Help me find a way to survive in this place.
Help me figure out what I mean. Help me realize what I need. Help me get through this.
Help me get out of here. Help me.

I cannot fight the war from the inside.
I cannot get my point across from behind enemy lines.
I cannot get around my mind.
Cannot decide a ******* thing for myself.
There are always a million other people
weighing in, screaming their opinions...
Whispering in serpent tongue
paranoias and red flags.
pointing out every little thing
that means nothing, really.
but in that moment
with a million voices
my world falls down.
my heart caves in.


I am not one person.
I understand if this is hard for you to grasp.
I understand if I am too much for you.
I am too much for a lot of people.
Nothing with me is easy,
Everything is a battle.
Inside and out.
between me and me
me and you
me and her
me and him
me and us
me and them.
Everything
is
a battle.

exhausting.

at the end of a typical day
I've gone through a dozen wars
a hundred second thoughts
a thousand put downs
a million arguments
just with my self.

I'm having just a little trouble
figuring myself out
hearing my voice above the others
thinking clearly.

I'm tired of listening.