sometimes I wonder what life would be like if it hadn't happened
would he then love me? would he then treat me, touch me, talk to me, as he had done before?
would he see me as his love, his partner, his ally, rather than a foe?

sometimes i wonder what life would be like if she hadn't come along
would he then want me? would he then look at me, chase me, feel me, as he had done before?

would he have chosen me?
would he have kissed and held me? and smiled when he saw me?
would all those hours, those days, those months, talking to him, learning about him go to use?

but woe is me. and i am but a bystander,
cursed by lust and impatience
trapped in a cold, dark heart, incapable of feelings others.
incapable of being his.

her eyes open wide
her hands reach out
her mouth gapes open
"welcome to the world" we say

her eyes are lit with curiosity
so full of adventure
so full of excitement
"watch out for the wars" we say

her hands are stretched to grasp a moment
so full of dexterity
so full of feeling
"know what you're getting into" we say

her mouth is wide and eager to speak
so full of knowledge
so full of love
"be careful with the boys" we say

her eyes now shut
her hands now at her side
her mouth now sealed tight
"goodbye, baby girl" we say

love is the scariest part of life
there is no philosophy behind love
just like there is no philosophy behind the meaning of life
leaving a missing puzzle piece for subjects to discover

what comes out of love is frightening
and what one puts into love is even more
love makes people desire, dream and long like never before
and live as if they were dying

love is unexpected and obscure
when you look it straight in the eye, it looks back at you
without a flinch
showing power, showing fearlessness

it can be destructive and messy
hopeless and obscene
or it can be a deep abyss of passion
of lost and hearing that the the stomach is nauseated by

the truth is. no human being fully knows what love is
its properties are unknown for a reason
it leaves surprises and unexpected turns
and revives life from the overwhelming mundane.

and those who have the privilege of love
of seeing love
of believing love
are the only ones who are real.

I sit here watching the world around me
moving round in circles
round and round
carrying reality by the shoulders

I wonder what to say next
where to go, who to meet
staring at a room of anonymous personas
faux faces masking their true identities

I fall through my corpse
through my feelings, through my thoughts
into the cold and dense frame of my shadow
into an isolated world without time

from on the outside, i look in
regarding the smiles and snares
the laughter and lying
and suddenly the masks are lifted to reveal the horns and halos of saints and sinners

everything is still and cold
flowers wilt but humans don't age
and the expiration of life is replaced by the warranty of shadows

some people say that they want to remember all the memories
the moments of excitement, anger and lust

but if those people knew what reality was really like
they would understand why all i want to do is forget

life is full of liars
full of cheaters and frauds and skanks
and no one is real. absolutely no one.

the skies are grey and the weather is dull
and dense coal black game stagger among the clouds
squawking and squealing
and staring you down with black beady eyes as you do the deed.

my life is a deep hole of naught
no friends, no family, no love
just emptiness filling a vast dark space
lined with hatred, immaturity and selfishness

a long time ago, the hole was once filled
with friends, with family, with love
everything was good, and everyone was happy
and the hole was lined with diamonds and smiles

but then something disastrous happened
and the hole was exposed to eliminating toxins
and suddenly the good became bad, and the happy became sad
and the lining burned like acid on the skin

the girl couldn't do anything about it
she just watched as her guilt ate her away
as the words of enemies and foes beat her to the ground
until there was no girl, just a bubble floating away

the sun is beginning to come out again
but it still burns to touch
the rays of heat glistening from afar
grazing the shoulders and scorching the fresh eyes

everything turned to dust when the light hit
particles of memories and personas leaving on a whim
caused by the fruits of harsh brightness
lasting until the devil went to sleep

but when the moon arose the world cooled
the blacktops didn't sizzle and the benches didn't burn
life froze when the moon came out
into a peaceful state of harmony

but the peace cannot last forever
and when it does, life becomes corrupt
the world grows quiet
time runs out