The silence
Deafening
The lack of touch
Excruciating
The air
Thickening

My eyes deceiving me
My feet failing me
My breath leaving me

I need you
My pillar
My strength
My stability

But

You’re nothing but a memory
Your voice is only
a sound that goes bump in the night
And
Your touch impossible.

A crippling realization hits me

When they look into my eyes
How do they not see?
That they are vacant behind?

She told me to keep
Writing
Fighting
Reaching
Reaching for my calling
My purpose
My impact
She made me believe
Oh I’m so ******* deserving
I will surpass expectations
I’m having major revelations
I have just begun
Everything before
Were the steps to access the door
I have turned the handle
I have stepped through the threshold
This is no gamble
But a true proclamation
An undying certainty of self.

Cheap bottles of red,
they seem to be

My

Only

Friend.

Yet another thing I’ve ruined
Another thing I allowed to slip through the cracks of my heart
Another thing she couldn’t sustain
due to her instability
What kind of home is that
Cracks in the foundation and leaks in the roof
It all could come crumbling down
within seconds
I think I would leave too
I can’t blame the previous tenants
for fleeing such a place
Hell if she didn’t reside inside me
If I could rip her out
I wouldn’t leave a ******* trace
I promise I’m doing you a favor
by not offering you to stay.

Why can’t I stop thinking of you?
When I know I don’t even cross that expansive mind nor am I a speckle in those green eyes.
You’re like a disease, a poison.
You came, you conquered and nothing is left besides the remnants of what you left me.
Some old cotton tee.
What the **** does this mean?
I’m not one to remember, reminisce or care.
No. I would never dare.
If that’s the case then how am I so afflicted.
You made one night feel like a lifetime —
How the **** did one encounter from a stranger leave me so contradicted?
It’s pathetic really,
I hate how I’m immortalizing you with these words but I need a release from this secret.
What else can I do?
I’m simply torn in two.

Too real
Not real enough
Im a square peg
that can’t fit in the round hole
Sharper edges, more refined  
Torn between worlds

The feeling of missing something I’ve never known and may not even exist
Is this Delusion or impossible dreams
We will just have to wait
to see what the world deems

Like calls to like but nothing calls to me
Distinct, unique, and on the brink
I am the threshold
Which way does this unfold
I don’t fit into one mold
I’m tired of living a story untold

Yet to be fair that story is unfinished
Of love requited
Souls ignited
And all wrongs righted

But I can’t help but feel as if
in the mean time
I’m being punished
Hope demolished
My heart impoverished

Like I said I don’t fit into one mold
I am a square peg
that doesn’t fit into the round hole
I just wish to be Understood
and have a rightful home
In the mean time though
I’m so much better off alone

She is not the woman that is to be just simply,
Conquered and not Kept.

She is the woman to be kept and not just simply…
but with extreme regard and not neglect.

She is the woman that should be honored.
Not Conquered.
A chance with her should never be squandered.
But instead she has to keep her heart armored.

She is not an object to be bartered.

She is the woman that should be
Honored not Conquered.