I have no job.
No finances.
And less skills than I would have hoped
leaving college.

But I have that piece of paper.
A roof over my head, still.
Some prospects of potential things on the horizon.

Everyone expects that once you graduate you can leave.
But then scoffs at you when you get into debt
for putting too much on credit cards.

I am sorry I can't afford to go get an oil change.
But I know I can't afford not to.

When your family almost loses their house,
and can on a daily basis
be called by debt collectors on final notice of some bill
we cannot afford to pay -
suddenly life is a bit too real to think that downing a bottle of
your choice
will magically make it go away.

Surprise. I don't want to be dependent anymore.
I want to work 80 hours a week
knowing that in ten years I will be able to afford that one dinner out.

Not only that we have leaders of our nation that will change everything
you believe to be good
and will implement everything
you believe to be bad.

That bubble rises.

A noose around my neck
of money drying up
it feels like I should put some semblance of beauty to work
and find some person to take care of me

No. I can find a way to support myself
with the skills I have learned at school.
Other students have before me
worked off the debt of higher education
and so will I.
Jobs will open up.
Opportunity will knock.
Failure will happen, but so will success.

Just one step at a time
not in front of the train like I have thought about
but forward towards true uncertainty of the future.

Don't worry, I will be still be here tomorrow and tomorrow.
as a force you didn't realize was there.
One day you might even remember my name.

This is writing about forgiveness.
It is about failure.
Do me a favor and think about a time that you have failed.
I can't think of one instance -
there's too many.
But this one will do.

I see the look on his face when I tell him I know.
Not acting.
A sadness created by a downward spiral three years ago.
And **** who am I to judge when I have not left mine?

And if it was an act he got me.
Things are complicated;
he can feel regret and still be self pitying.
At the end there was a moment when it rubbed me wrong, still.
He still blamed other people.
God I wish I knew what really happened
but only he does.

When an object is attached to a string and traveling in a circle it exits the path in a straight line ahead.
There are infinite points on a circle for the object to exit.

I see that same face on the girl who believed I stole her boyfriend from her.
I see that same face on the guy I told I didn't want to have *** with him anymore, on his birthday.
I see that same face on me, when the guy I had *** with counted me as a number. On a video.

Is the circle the person stuck in a spiral or is it the person looking down at the ball and string with a pair of scissors?

I am looking for confirmation that I am not crazy for wanting to forgive him for something he didn't do to me. He did it in the world I happen to inhabit but is it my civic duty, human duty, human right, friendship right to place him in a spot of an outcast? Everyone else has.

It was what I expected.
God, it was good.
Your words wrapped me like a hug. Again.
And I know I have to let it be,
never to talk again,
but just this once I'll admit it.
You are the most curious person I've ever met.
You'll always peak the curiosity out of me.

You'll be amazed what she will accomplish

           now that she had been through it all.

There isn't a person to call
here at 1am.
My person, significant other, partner, love, whatever you choose to call it.
Some friends
but I don't dare because
I've used them.
I'm sorry for that.
And I wish I could just be comfortable here
in my skin;
but I am not.
Craving affection, attention, assurance
but all I've known for the most part is a falsehood.
A lie crafted in the imagination, my imagination,
that these people I've trusted so fast
were as willing. I leap into fantasy.
And even though I know this each time I still do it, expecting a different result.
That's the definition of stupidity.
Perhaps one day I'll run into someone the same kind of stupid
and we'll be ready at the same time.
A fool's errand.

My poems are pure angst.  

Why can't I write a sentence more than ten words?

I gagged a bit re-reading some.

Actually most of them.

Okay all of them.

God bless you if you've read more than one.

For the first time ever I am going to say this.
I am in love with you,
Realized it four months too late,
Seven months now I am willing to say it aloud -
I ended the relationship.
It's all on me.

You found someone to love, it's what you do.
And from what I see in pictures she loves you back, too.