I met a man today that reminded me of you;
tall, charming, perfect in every way.
And that smile. Even though he throws it about freely.
He held the door for me, but got distracted,
so it slammed in my face.
I guess he's more like you than I thought.

Just make them stop,
I am sick of these voices being able to
move so much faster than my hands.

I don't know whether I'm being realistic
or just simply missing the logistics,
but I miss you, as antagonistic
as you truly were.

Stop it, Olivia. You were nearly dead.
She aimed the gun at your head.
You were just begging to be fed.

Leading me up the path to perfection
Every downfall, providing correction.
I'd fail and fail again,
you'd be my only friend.

No one threw stones,
You pushed everyone away.
You're soul was not very well portrayed.
You were nothing but bones.

My only friend, though.

I can try to forget,
I can, I just might
Wasteful sentiments caught.
It's been years since
I forgot.

Look at me
through the mass
into my eyes
not at my ***
               You seem to believe
               I'm not that.
               peel the skin
               **** the fat
make me laugh
make me cry
something, anything
just please don't lie
               I understand
               Can't read your mind
               But I've seen it before
               I know your kind
                                                            ­     Can't fool me.

Oh those eyes;
innumerable amount of eyes.
Just following me.
Gazing at me. Staring at me. Glaring at me.
As if I were deformed;
a monster that doesn't meet
the quota for aesthetically pleasing.
As if I were a deviant;
fearing that they may the next victim
of whatever scheme I am concocting.
As if I were a cow
causing earthquakes with
each step I take.
As if I were a stick figure
recoiling at the slightest touch
for fear of the pain.
As if I were a diety.
Bold and beautiful
flowing gracefully across their path.
As if I were a genius.
Just waiting in line to hear
my views on the world.
Or maybe they're not following me at all.
Maybe they're looking right through me.
Straight past me.
They don't even notice me.

It's a giant steel padlock
latched onto an even greater door.
Bullet proof and flame retardant.
It opens for no one.
Not for friends.
Not for family.
Not for lovers.
Not even for me.
How can it be
that something so strong
can be so weak
internally?
It is me.