Gravity
Is pulling down with all
The weight of dread and sleep
Is darkening the sky
And pushing us ever deeper.

Lightning
Rumbles in the ground
Grey behind the veil
Of the dark of rain and night
Flashing like bones against the sky.

Tonight, I cannot sleep.
Again.
I think about you, and what you want,
And I realize
I do not know you.
I never can,
Though I give my life to try.

Your love is like the lightning
Brilliant and furious
Veiled grey behind the fog of storm
Gives light to  the dark
And lights my valley, my home
Ablaze every August.
But it is dangerous to get too close.

People are never just people
Have you ever sat in a circle
With a group of acquaintances
You've known a few days --
You met at a camp, or a club, or a journey --
And stayed up all night?
Truth or dare, no holds barred, no limits
Besides the basic decency of humanity?

Have you ever
Done so many things you're ashamed of
And so many things you're proud of
In one night
That you have no idea what you feel?
Fear, the pounding thrill of breaking rules,
The sweet rebellion of being different,
The intoxication of belonging?
But mostly,
The love -- the broken
Brothers and sisters in your circle
Going from middle-school dares
To their family's secrets,
Their darkest fears,
And most poignant dreams
The sweet kiss of hello
Tinged with the bitter poison of goodbye.

I learned something tonight.
I learned that the "****" is funny and smart,
That the "goth" is brave and strong,
That I am beautiful.
Apparently.
I learned that people are afraid of being known
But they are even more afraid
Of being alone
And sooner or later, we have to trust someone.

You learn so much
When you break the rules.
I am sad. The night is almost over,
And morning tastes of farewell
To all the soulmates
I've only just met
The ten of us
Teenagers, in a dark room
With only a flashlight,
Defying the power of dawn
Defying fear and pain and regret
By refusing to say goodbye.
Not yet.
We have three hours left.
One. One-half.
Ten minutes. Five.
We will never say goodbye.

Padding feet upon the sand
Seeking out the trailing thread
Following the strange new land
Beyond the waters of the dead.

The oceans silent, cold and dark
Part for those who fear not harm
Gleaming stars, pale and stark
Lend their pallid, leading charm.

They pave the way for those to come
Show the lost souls where to go
Give light to those who have none
And curse the day in voices low.

Those who wander, those who fall
Brave enough to seek the shore
The wonders of this land enthrall
And capture with enchanting yore.

Dawn calls many home again;
I have just returned from there.
The land of bitter waters deep
Calls those with dirges dark to bear.

For the burdened, for the weak
The dark of sleep is always home
Ever returning, come to seek
The reprieve absent from the dawn.

Monsters crawl up from the shores
Storm-tossed skies betray the world
Born between the victim's sores
Far beyond horizons hurled.

This world I visit every night
And you may too, betrayed by fear
Trading horrors for your light
*The things we do, imprisoned here.

I have never held a hand
I have never kissed anyone.
I have never gone on a date
Or hugged someone
Not because they were my friend
(Or an eccentric great-aunt)
But because I wanted to.

I'm not ugly (I'd like to think)
I'm old enough to drive
And read Edmund Spenser
And apply for college.
Is something wrong with me?

To never be invited to share the world
Of teenager's deepest hopes and dreams
Never know that absolute sorrow
Alluded to by others
Never know that thrilling joy
Of being wanted.

I am independent.
Pure.
Alone.

I hold my viola cradled in my arm
Before a concert
Everyone breathes too fast
The lights glare, the conductor begins.

I roll out of bed at one in the afternoon
My old viola from sixth grade
Lying on top of its case
Begging to be played.

I pick it up every day. I don't know what I play,
I just play.
I make music out of my boredom,
Music that will never be recorded,
Songs that will never be heard again.

Every day, I see the odd instrument
I pick it up and begin.
I have nothing better to do. But mostly,
I don't want it to see it lying there,
Alone.