Olivia M Jackson

Olivia M Jackson Jul 2010

He sought to find me once
He succeeded
Thirteen years had passed since the attack
Why is it that you seek me?
Reluctantly I asked
His answer
"Because people get older and wiser and whatever you believe may have happened in the past may not truly be what happened. Were grown now and we have no need to lie ***.... "
Conversation over.
Did I mistake the events that took place on that sun abandoned day?
Is he implying that I spoke words of deceit...lies?
Is it wise to call a woman you attempted to intimately violate "***"?
But I was there
In the dark
Hands reaching for me as from the grave
From the murky depths of *******
Touching and grabbing
Hands trying to fit down my pants
Fingers crawling inside my shirt
Unidentified lips on my body
Appendage hitting me across the face...intentionally
I fought with every breath in my body
Forty minutes of struggle with multiple assailants
The blinding darkness kept me from ever knowing how many there were
Could have been ten
Like wolves they were
Trying to ravish their prey
With him leading the pack
The one I trusted
I kept hearing his voice
They tried to take my shoes off
That was the hardest part of the fight
I knew I had to keep my shoes on
I was done if they came off
My jeans would go soon after
I had to keep my shoes on
I later realized it saved me
From being pillaged
From being *****
Some days I wonder why this trouble found me
I was only fifteen
I was a child
So were they
We all lost ourselves that day
Somewhere in the darkness
I like to believe that God was floating above us
Whispering to me "Be still, I am here, there is a purpose for this"
I still await the day I realize the purpose
I stand confident that day will come
This is not a story
This is my life
It really happened
And it happened to me

Olivia M Jackson Jul 2010

Cacophony #1

Streaming glitter
Suspended laughter
Delayed happiness
Evident abasement
Surmounting fears
Shadows dance in torment

Pleasant gestures
Pretence abundant
Deferred bliss
Creeping obscurity
Empathizing stares
Lured smiles led to drown

Malevolent touch
Masked intentions
Insubordinate emotions
Disappearing identity
Longing spirit
Laughter is beheaded

Joyful wickedness
Jeweled thorns
Loving stabs
Poisoned kisses
Unassuming mortal
Beauty lays dead

Olivia M Jackson Jun 2010

درد شما تحویل قدرت من است

Fragmented parts of the person I once was return to me
The dark clouds that once followed me day and night depart from me
I am enchanted by the very thought of freedom
Liberty from the woes that once imprisoned me
Breaking free from the pain I allowed you to inflict
Yes, I allowed
Can man do to me that which I do not consent?
Alas the strength of my mind
My will to attain happiness
To survive and look destruction in the eye and say not so
You shall not destroy me!
I have risen to fight
To take back what is my own
Empowerment besieges me
I will be victorious in all that is set before me
I was on a quest when you slithered in
It was not you that I meant to find
Though pained by our meeting
I still dare say
My journey was triumphant
I found what I did not know that I seek
Strength immeasurable
Infinite power from within
Bitterness I cannot harbor
Only love and peace in knowing you have found joy

Olivia M Jackson Jun 2010

In Your Arms

The only place I feel safe
When the world has become cold
When all else has failed me
You're the only one that still stands
When wondering this earth alone with not a place to call my own
Not a friend with a shoulder to cry
Not a place with a solace to seek
It is you that finds me
Embraces my soul within
Comforts the turmoil that encircles my existence
Providing your assurance
Your assurance to never deposit more on me than I can bear
Enveloping me as I realize I am naught but mortal man
Cradling me as my essence cries out in affliction
Your peace takes hold of me
Ushering me into your perfect will
Breathing strength into the chambers of my heart
Holding me, I am constricted in your sight
Shielding me in the shadows of your wings
I hear angelic whispers as I lay lethargic
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
Angel wings gently brush against my face
I awake to find all that I am is in all that you are
All of my burdens are cast upon you
My sorrows you have taken
Your serenity you have given
Freely upon me your love eternal now resting

Olivia M Jackson Jun 2010

Lost Without You?

Before I met you, lost was I wondering through the twists and turns of life.
Though not knowing I was lost.
Looking back is as though looking in a mirror into the past and seeing I was incomplete.
You entered my life as a main character takes the stage,
I saw the sun rise...everything illuminated before me.
As a blind man who sees for the first time so my life became.
The happiness I found, never knowing to exist.
Never knowing that the event of one person entering ones life can be paramount.
Never knew of a love that could make me a different me.
A better me.
I looked into our future and saw infinite possibilities of happiness.
Never seeing the failures, the hurt nor the pain that laid wait in our path.
Today I sit in indescribable pain.
The pain that you can't point to where it hurts.
I want to reach out to you and scream I love you!
Instead of the infinite love and laughter I once saw I now see you with another.
Another love?
I still can't place the events that lead to this place that we now stand.
As I look into that mirror of our past, I never saw me lost without you.
I thought you would be just another flame in the heat of summer.

Olivia M Jackson Jun 2010

Desolate Land

My heart is as vast as the earth I now stand on.
I love with the might of seas that rage,
In the same manner so my heart breaks.
With rough tumbling crashes of waves pelting my fragile body.
Defenseless to the matters of the heart.
Pain felt in sickness or battle, none can compare.
To the pain that just is, not to be felt in one place, but destroys the whole being.
To be broken hearted is to feel abandoned by love.
The feeling of death though still alive.
Is there a place where we may go to escape the feeling within?
Is there a river where we may go to drown the pain that lingers and threatens to destroy our souls?
The crippling feeling of nothingness taking over with every breath.
Suffocated by the very air that we breathe.
I want to leave this land.
This land that is scorched by tears and agony,
Ravished by betrayal and loss.
Destroyed by the selfishness of man.
My heart longs to go back home.
To the place where danger was unforeseen.
Where love smiled so beautiful.
So beautiful that my strength left me as it did Solomon in the days of old.
As I fell weakened to my knees,
The wraith of murdered love crept in and gutted out my very heart,
Stolen in the night.
My only hope at this hour is that my heart seeks its abode,
And returns to the place where it once slept in the comfort of love.

— The End —