hours of power outages
hours of holding on
hours of grieving
and only seconds to survive.

A halo and white
not for me.
Reds of fire and passion,
what you like to see.

Watch my horns and smile as they grow.
I’m not the angel they used to know.

A sleep,
like death,
but without commitment.

It's my time,
my life,
who cares how I spend it?

Falling in love to the beat of a song,
a lullaby,
because you were asleep all along.

I’ll never say it again,
     at least not out loud.

People may ask “why?” after all that’s happened. Why do I stand for him? Why do I do what I do?

Here’s the answer, I hope it’s the one you’re looking for:
I know him. I’ve been there for him as he’s done the same for me. I have had the privilege of getting to know him, along with the privilege of getting to love him. I’ve learned over the years that he tries not to show sadness. I’ve also learned that sadness is what consumes him way too often. I know that, while he’s in his room during the dark hours, he feels alone. Only his destructive thoughts for pitiful company. I know that his family throws hurtful daggers in his direction.

I know how that hurts. I know what it feels like to feel alone during those dark nights. I know what it feels like to wake up in the morning, drowning in blankets and warmth, but still feeling impossibly cold.

If I can help him feel less of that, less alone, less worthless, and less sad, I’ll do it. Especially for someone I love.

there's nothing quite like the silent static I hear on your end of the call because I know that my lovely boy is getting peaceful sleep.

you caught me.
I’m hooked.

I love you (really I do)
I wish you knew (really I do)
You make me feel as if I'd flew (you really do)

I haven’t felt like this in a while.
Laying in bed with a sleepy smile.
It’s so early, plus it’s spring break
but I’m feeling love, it isn’t fake.
You messaged me about how you felt,
I’m laying in bed, thinking about the best hand I’ve been dealt.

I love you. I’m scared to love you but I’m ready to love you. And I do.

and just like that a bomb went off.
inside her heart, her brain.
everything covered in ashes of love,
and smelling of him and hate.
the feeling of gut wrenching loss
something beautiful now lost among the ruins.
pieces of poems she thought he deserved,
and parts of the words she wrote for her world.

Her silly, crazy, stupid, idiot world.
and it just all suddenly went “kaboom”

For the first time in a long time,
it feels and looks like Christmas.

Last year, I gifted my heart to you.
This year, you still have it and refuse to give it away,
it's your most prized possession.

And I think that this year,
because you've given me everything I could ever want,
will be the best Christmas I've ever had.

My parents claim that I am part of “the best day of their lives”

And now you’re saying that I’m the “best thing that’s ever happened to you.”

That’s a lot of pressure.

blows away in breeze
such ease to be a small
dandelion right?

He looked at me;
     As though I were a treat.
I liked the idea of jumping into his arms and breathing in the scent of him,
     But he has put me through a lot,
He's lied to me I tell myself
      But he saved my life,
He's risked it too.
      I look away to fight the temptation of him,
And to my amazement I start to cry
      I've been through a lot I can cry
But he puts his hand to my shoulder and whispers,
   "Come now luv, queens do not cry. Come with me Alyssa, fly with me over our world.
That's when he and I,
Or MY king and I flew over OUR wonders
Wonderland

I wasted my time drunk on him,

and I could’ve been wasted on you.

Rags to riches is what they say
but they always forget to mention
that the true treasure
is amongst the rags from the beginning

cuddles, kisses, undivided attention.
coffee breath, warm hugs, blanket theft.
video games, cold hands, cute nicknames.

This is my story
I apologize cause
Its going to be boring

Thats ok cause
This stanza is
Not important
And my mind is like a depressant

Talking about my
Wars
Not to mention the
Scars and Sores

You aren't interested
But my brain with these thoughts
Is infested

A denim jacket ((that’s the sky))
Unbutton at once,
letting it spill out.

Little by little.

Letting hints of sunrise
fall to the ground.

While this is all very breathtaking,
it will never compare to you.

All I want to do
is talk to you.

but I have to scold myself
because

I know it’s no good.

right now it feels like we're flying,
so high that our feet can't reach the ground
and I feel as if my heart may burst,
but then I realize that my love is cursed.

ok, back on my feet
love is a war, I accept defeat
why do I dream,
when I know my heart will crack at the seams?

Like the flowers I want
yet to be picked
or the shirts I bought
because "yellow is your summer color"!!
Yellow was never my favorite,
never the one
but now I'm surrounded
like I'm in the Sun.

And I will never not apologize
for loving you
because honey I sure do.

and it started among sidewalks and watermelon under the shaded sun.

next thing I knew we were passing notes in English laughing because it was so much fun.

“I would never leave someone so amazing”

You already did,
when you left him,

only for me to catch him
     and never want to let go.

and to think it all started
on April the 3rd.

it was fun, I guess that’s true.

but I didn’t even make it a month,
at least not with you.

I won’t have a date,
it’ll be too late,
a happy smile I’ll fake,
right on my face,
he will go with her,
she will go with him,
everyone is coupled,
and right here I am.

Every time I try to capture every detail.

Dark, deep forests in your eyes.
filled with magical and mysterious things,
overflowing with such a desire that I become so useless and lost.

Earthquakes and beautiful tremblings.
Shaking wonderfully,
overwhelmed with the feeling of silk, honey, and even velvet.

Waterfalls, sparkling and running fast.
gushing, cascading over the edge.
so spectacular that you want to stay forever.

please don't worry about me
I guess I'm okay
I don't want to die,
and I won't hurt myself either
as I feel enough pain
to satisfy me through
my feelings.


but could you hear the
tears behind my okay?
well if not,
I felt the burn
of them 100 times
louder.