it's funny how people can capture you.
the lines around their eyes when they smile can invite you towards them,
or the fleeting look they give when they think no one's watching.
i'm interested in people's confidence, but also their nongregariousness.
the giving, the receiving, ebb and flow that makes sense but so little sense.
promise and brokenness, blame and responsibility.
strong regard interests me; inform me of the weather, or why that tea reminds you of that person, and why that makes you close your eyes and wonder.

I was more comfortable when you took off my shirt and unhooked my bra than I was when you innocently put your arms around me.
It made more sense to close my eyes and kiss your neck than it did for me to look at you with clear, sober eyes.
But of course, I only moved closer to you when the lights turned off.

if i became an expanse of sea

would you find my coast a cool place to dip your sorrows, as you     would your toes in insufferable heat

would you thirstily jump to my refreshing depth, looking to soothe and   attend some unbeknownst desire

would you wade to the shallow depth
and fill your cup with my summery libation

would you cast nearby tropical flowers in my tide
watching them swirl with contempt and longing as my waves carry    them aimlessly but gleefully
  
would you flood me with boundless questions,
submerging your mind with my saturating sapience

would you compose timeless billets-doux,
forming the cursive lines from the foam atop my waves

or would you extinguish your cigarette in my lurking , subfuscous waves,
as you shrunk rapidly from my sandy shoreside

would you toss fragments in my whitecaps, getting rid of the things you no longer cared for

or would the swirl of my water dizzy your mind, murkily shrouding your ability to think lucidly

if the wind leads you towards land
or where the deep color of the sky harmonize’s with my iridescence,
try to find slumber in the vespertide

allow the viridescent vapor to ease you in my
thalassic cavern

if you sought other sea’s to soak your searching soul in,
know my desire would not diminish,
but wade in its wishful want

I used to think the words "beautifully imperfect" were cliche
then i experienced what it was to seeing something so beautifully imperfect
We may never travel the same road again,
or look out the same airplane windows to a world so vast and unknown below,
but that take off, that landing, was enough.

there's a reason  he chooses to drink while on medication for anxiety.
there's a reason she shuts herself away, hiding the bruises and cuts she considers part of her repertoire.
there's a sadness there,
a different kind of sad.
one that can't be healed through compromise or benevolence.
it's easy to become lost, compromised within this sadness' depths.
you may think you've escaped its clutch but it's always there.
lurking.
ready to take you.

I keep dreaming I'm somewhere else.
I suppose we all do that.
Lost in the idea that somewhere else is better than here.
I try to neatly gather my thoughts into a pool of understanding,
but am left an empty concrete pit.

I want to take on the world.
I want to be so in love with the world, myself, and possibly another human- I can't see straight.
I want to touch every corner with a fierce passion.
I want to look in my lovers eyes and see the world.
To look in their eyes when were 80 and gray and see the gleam I fell in love with as a kid.
To gaze in their eyes and remember the world we took on as our own.
I want to experience every emotion a thousand times and feel heartache when I have to.
I want to lay down somewhere next to the people I love…
and not give two ***** about the next day.
I want whomever I lay next to, to know I care about them…
whether I take them in my arms and kiss them with every part of my being,
or simply hold their hand and make them feel safe.
I want to feel the extent of loving someone and never knowing the limits.
I want to be alive for as long as I live.

explain it to me , im silently begging
how can you look at the seven letters on the page and think that explains who i am
you dont know the first thing about me, you truly dont
and i cant fathom that
PLEASE
when was the last time you looked at me.

really looked

do you know that i want to paint my room plum and turquoise?
or my favorite song?  or how happy funnel cake makes me?

i'd bet my life you don't remember what color my eyes are

your own ******* kid's eyes.

they're blue gray.

just so you know, just in case you ever wanted to ******* know.

Words used to electrify my mind
they used to carry me into a dreamfilied state,
one of hope

I don't look up words in the dictionary anymore
I don't write about my experience with a man or woman the morning after

I don't

Why can't I

our minds used to dance,
upon each other fingers, our thoughts entranced.

a gaze so transfixed rock stood no feat
with your steady watch my cheeks filled a warm heat

with your absence i am rendered gazeless
my fingers now seemingly useless

I’m simply saddened by the thought i could’ve written thousands of love poems if you would’ve let me look at you longer

"what about the beach?", the grandpa asked the grandson
the small boy with wide eyes looked up at this man, his eyes clearer than the elder had seen in years
the grandson had asked the grandpa to take him to the beach that day, just a few miles from the house, so he could watch the thing he loved most at that courageous, carefree age
"not today, im sorry. maybe next time you come and visit. the birds will still be there, then", he said, tirelessly
and so the little boy scooted off his lap and the grandpa sat in his chair, long after the little boy had gone to bed
he asked himself the question he had just asked
and found no reply

the cold breeze that hits me above my left ear
the blank stare i so easily fall into
the transparent look on your face, of unnamed fear
the hand of mine you still hold
imagining how it's supposed to be
yes, it seems we both have needs
and yet, we live by different creeds
i feel that may be our downfall, love
understand now,
it's not what it should to be

I can't wait for you anymore.

the monday was, as any mondays are, unexpected and unenthused with the weekend past
i had begun talking to a girl whom i met through mutual friends who frequent our neighborhood coffee shop
we decided to meet at a hookah place notoriously named after our cities zip code; it seemed our small but mighty home was trying to make a name for itself
i had not given her much thought for doing so would cause my knees to weaken and my stomach to churn
but we sat down, ordered our concoction of tobacco and talked about the things we always talked about
amidst a mixture of light conversation laced with slight boredom and tobacco poisoning, she arrived, nonchalantly
towards the end of our visit to hookah 402 I grew weary of another night spent in a mediocre way
it never made sense to me how such interesting people could find so little to do
maybe it was laziness, i don't know
she asked us where we want our night to go and how we wanted it to go
two questions i have asked my friends but have never been able to reach a conclusion or a satisfying end result
furthermore, we got into kaylas car, our first destination was a coffee shop, as it usually is
we got our coffee and decided to use my fake id and get alcohol from a liquor store in north omaha
while i may not have been nervous on the way there, our conversations distracting me from the possibility of receiving a felony, my heart picked up speed when i handed the cashier my fake
we got the alcohol and drove to the nearest gas station for a chaser
while she was in the gas station an elderly man approached our car, immediately putting his shoulders to his jawline in defense
he told us his name, even showed us where it was tatted on his arm, and asked us to drive him to his sister, whose car had just broke down
i guarantee that if she had not been with us, we would have said no, apologetically but fearful of saying yes
however, she was with us,
and with her attitude of all-encompassing love, we said yes and he got in the car
almost automatically the stranger and her began singing a beautiful duet

walk with me
that's all i ask.

walk with me as the sand cushions our feet,
and we waver between the shallow water and the warm dry sand

walk with me,
and when you see something greater in the distance,
ill let you go

ill walk alone

just know that if you ever decide to come back

ill be here,
because you walked with me even when the beach ran out

i have yet to write about the sad look on your face
and the milky emerald swirl i catch in your eye
quite simply,
the gold from your fingertips scares
me
your untouchable phrases and the touches mesmerize me
i feel like i am reading my favorite book and rediscovering it's clairvoyance all over again
the sounds that escape your mouth create an essence of grayish light that bring out the flecks of honey in your eyes

Paint a picture of my silhouette
With your exhalation i was taken elsewhere
I can't stay the night
But I'll wait 'til tomorrow
Come for more,  
I dare you to ask for more
You could stand in the street all day and everything would change but you.
Come and find me and I'll show you my world
My places, my favorites, my firsts
The alleyways and back streets have our names written in gold
Black soot streaks our cheeks but we're smiling
Here is a place we could call our own
if you'd take down the shaky facade
Let the rain drenched sidewalk be your foundation
it's yours if you want it