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olive Jun 2014
I do not know how to cope
I've never felt uglier than in this moment
never ever ever want to feel this again
im picking at scabs
and the blood is giving me colour
making me vibrant

im not crazy nonono

this song makes me twist and turn
I must be hearing it in my sleep
I wake up s-s-s-shivering
I kick away warmth and leave it on the floor

ssshh shhh it's ok it's ok
lots of worse things have happened
just go to sleep
it's alright

just don't let them win
do not
do not let them win
w i n

im spilling tears down my shirt
im feeling stringy and bloated
im feeling worn down
I do not know how to cope
this a dumb poem i wrote for a very very dumb reason
olive Jun 2014
your st-st-st-stubble looks like glitter up close
you're like a star like a movie star or something

you look-k-k like a king and
and and andand
when you flex your arms I feel
a little punch! in my heart
how cliché howhowhow cliché

I REALLY LIKE TALKING TO YOU
if we had landlines I'd probably call you
and I'd hang off my bed upside down
and twirl the wire around my fingers
like in the movies! you're a m-movie star


punch!
punch! punch!

my heart's all beaten up and you're repairing hers
her heart's fine
i think i t-t-think
your glitter is getting in my nose and my teeth
your sparkle is blinding my eyes
g'night
olive Jun 2014
and I felt ugly as hell and still do

I go past the timer on my toothbrush bc im afraid of cavities

(lame)

you you youyou don't think of me

youuuu

thinkin about how you'd be my one call at the police station

sorry sorry sorryyyy you're the only one who'd pick up

sorry

take me under ur wing & make me feel warm & safe & don't laugh at my double chin

thinkin' about putting a heart emoji next to your name on my contact list

(lame)

thinkin' about how you'd sneak thru the window after seeing the hill my stomach makes when im lying flat

you probably don't want a valley

im not her

sorry sorry sorrysorrry
i don't even know
olive Jun 2014
my cat curled into my lap then brought a
chipmunk into the house and I
had to lure him outside with
treats and he dropped the chipmunk and
it lived

I went casual hoping you'd
drop by because I felt
lonely and I wanted an
adventure but you
don't even know where I live so
I put on dark eye shadow and
winged eye liner
now if you come
by I'll look like a ****

good
good good

I went walking and it started to rain and
the wind blew your image into my
mind and I swear to god you were
talking to me and I
started to cry

licorrrriiceee maaaaakees meeee bloooaateddddddddddd

good.
AFTER I POSTED THIS A SQUIRREL CAME TO SAY THANK YOU
olive Jun 2014
a little section of my skin tingled and I scratched and pinched until it stung. I can’t deal with pleasantness. On certain days I feel like maybe I am floating and I am silently praying someone will tie an anvil onto my ankle.

my house is a memory making factory. People associate my walls with stories. “Their room” and the warm bubbly water and the smooth shiny flooring. my house is a little cave in the middle of a rain storm, I’m not sure what would happen if I left it, but I think I’d feel a little cleaner, a little glossier.  

the sunlight shines through glass and leaves little patches of radiant on my dull skin. you were like a blur of sunlight that danced into my retina. I was so blinded by your beauty, by your contrast, that I forgot you are destructive. You made me squint and my eyes haven’t fully opened since.

The air smelled so floral today, so unmistakably dewey that I tried to climb my budding tree between the mailbox and the big rock. I couldn’t reach the first branch and your bark ripped my aching skin from my fingers and my palms. I forgive you. I forgive you.

why can’t I appreciate mosquitos when I am one. I **** out little bits of personality from everyone around me. each tap of the keyboard derived from a thought in my mind derived from a person I know, from a thing I’ve seen. It’s the tiniest *****, so small you’d never feel it. But the bump is there, it reminds you of what you’ve shared, what you’ve inspired. And then it disappears

I think happiness might be the split second after waking up in a new place and forgetting you’re not home. I think happiness might be the sound of the kettle clicking off. I think happiness might be rushing to something important and looking a bit like a fool as you run.

my teardrops are meeting the raindrops for the first time. they are saying hello. they have things in common. they are so happy. this is why I was born. I am a matchmaker, I’m linking fingernails to tingling skin and tree bark to palms and bits of personality to computer keys. wow.

— The End —