My heart is bruised, beaten, and caged....fix it
My skin is marked with a million tracks of footprints from the past.....fix it
My eyes no longer shine, tainted by what has been seen.....fix them
My spirit is tormented, release the bonds...fix it
I am broken.......fix me

The lump in my throat has returned once again
stemmed from familiar stirrings in the pit of my stomach
just when I think I've locked them in their black box for eternity
they break loose and begin the ascent
like long twisting fingers groping the vines of my heart
tightening, squeezing, forcing me to feel emotion
like a partner in crime-memories show up
and dance around me, tapping me, tripping me
hugging me, loving me, until one stands alone
there you are, standing, waiting, twenty years have passed
the warm embrace, the joyful reunion,
but life's cruel twist of fate would not allow it
you were taken from me, so many things left unsaid
so many moments left unshared, questions left unanswered
Oh Daddy dear, one day we'll meet again.

For too long I thought about your strong stature
that presence that quickened my breath
the closer we became, your scent intoxicated me
your inquiring mind attracted me, to discover
your mischievous eyes distracted me
your lips that parted so softly with each spoken word
I was lost in the world of you...and the possibility of us
Chance, risk, bravery took hold of me one night
Spurned on with thoughts of a finite life
I closed my eyes, and jumped
and landed with a thud on the plain of rejection

The feeling engulfed me, swirled through me like drafts through the rafters
but valiance shone through, relief overcame pity
the voice of fate whispered he's not for you
grasping at that, I soldiered on and recovered from the
sickness of love, or lust, or longing

And now someone else has you,
aesthetically pleasing to quote your phrase
to share in the laughter, and the joys of life
So here's to ye both, my love, and my best friend
may ye find out what ye are really like

I practice my penetrative stare,
the one that will ignite an explosion of fear from within your core
the anger inside me is preparing for battle
hot blood is rushing through my veins
adrenalin pulsing faster, harder
I open my mouth to breathe fire onto your fear filled face
And then you say sorry
Instant deflation, dissipation
The Armour retracts, and I am bordering on the conclusion
To err is human, to forgive is divine
which am I for I feel neither

There we are, our depiction is a funhouse mirror reflection
you are the baby plant that is watered and fed daily
you are cared for and cherished, as your buds begin to grow
you are put in sunlight for your stem to grow,
your leaves to flourish and your buds to blossom
you are replanted in a special place for all to see
you are given room for your branches to stretch out and up
you were lovingly pruned and preened, held in highest esteem
you are protected from the wind and rain, from the frosty pain

And there I was at times in your shadow, where I fought for the light
I was fed and nourished just like you,
I was cared for and cherished just like you
but somehow things changed, and I became easily forgotten
no regular feeding, no sunlight to grow, no buds to blossom
one by one my leaves withered and died,and fell silently to the floor
starved of love, starved of affection, such a pathetic reflection
but the miracle of life touched me one day
and the spark of nature encouraged the green from the grey
I have grown strong and mighty, for many to lean on
I protect and encourage, and love with joyful abandon
Today the reflection in the mirror has changed
But the memories are still deeply engraved in the bark

I'm Bored......I'm Lonely.......What will I do?
I think of some stupid excuse to call you
I act nonchalant, and pretend I could not care less
When I ask if you want to come over and watch me undress

You say "be ready, I'll be over in ten"
And again I'm left waiting, again and again
I curse and spit, and swear it's the last time
I put myself out there to fall, hook, sinker and line

Then four hours later, I hear the car in the drive
I jump to my feet, and wipe the tears from my eyes
In the doorway you stand, not a boy, not a man
Just a terrible liar, who gets away with what he can

I nod and listen to your feeble excuse
And I wonder how I take this hurtful abuse?
I answer my question when you throw your arms round me
It's to feel that someone in this life still loves me

But it's not love, it's not even true feeling
I'm just another cog in the wheel of your wheeling and dealing
So I go through the motions, and fake all the pleasure
And pray to God that you realise that i'm a treasure

But this prayer is not one that is heard tonight
And it's not long again before you are gone out of sight
And all that is left is your scent on my bed
And the painful feelings in my heart and my head

I'll never forget the first time I saw your cherries
Who'd have thought I would be so attracted to some berries
As I wandered aimlessly from scene to scene
from the weird to the wonderful, to the  grossly obscene.

Then I happened upon this beautiful sight
Suddenly all around me was so still and so quiet
Never before had I had such a feeling
from a piece of art that was more than appealing

What seemed like a thousand cherries, here before my eyes
lovingly depicted by an artist more than wise
A painting of fruit had taken on a new dimension
One that could easily remove all tension

Each tiny little sphere, with a life of their own
had come to live in this new little home
some with shadows, some with shine,
once fresh and growing wild, now were mine.

I wanted to dive right in, to be in the midst of all sin
Enveloped in a strange sensation, would bring much elation
To hide beneath all this red, or to lay on top of this bed
and close my eyes and take a deep breath
I would die happy, if this last breath, brought death

Aint it funny when you think, that you're all alone,
in a room so empty, there's nobody home.
But in a place close by, there's a deafening tone
Coz inside your head there's a war going on.

Running over conversations, some that i've had,
others i've made up, that are driving me mad,
where once they were good, my head turns them bad.
All the people, places and things, i can't control,
a voice tells me otherwise, it's destroying my soul.

Like the father, the son and the holy ghost,
there are three of us now,which one should i listen to most?
Just like the image on the big picture screen,
the good and bad on the sides, and me in between.

I want them stop, all the shouting and noise,
to cease all the chaos hiding deep behind my eyes.
Just for once, couldn't they just all agree,
and with some peace, just leave me be.

But it's a request that's easier said than done,
for these relentless voices in my head is their home.
Asking them to hush or even to leave,
seems to me an incredible impossibility.

Then one day all of a sudden, something became apparent,
A friend looked at me, as if my head were transparent.
Described all the madness that inside was going on,
as if they had lived here too all along.

At last in the world i didn't feel so alone,
And slowly but surely a little peace came to my home.
In the house where lived not only me,
but the many voices that spoke horrendously.
Of this prison with invisible walls, i was set free.
No longer would i argue with him, her and me.

Is this a miracle? i asked of my new friend,
Because this fight is one, i thought would never end.
She said maybe so, you can call it what you like,
but one thing i know, you will sleep good tonight.

So many questions i have for her now,
Of why this has stopped, i beg tell me how.
She said just relax, just let it be,
you've heard of sleeping dogs, they lie beside me.
And i dare not disturb, i tread easily.

But i know any minute, that they could awake.
And again once inside, the battle could break,
into a full scale war, like it was once before,
so again just leave it be, don't open the door.

Don't even hover around it, or peek through the keyhole,
because what's behind this door will terrify your soul.
Just know that's it there, but you don't need it now,
this is only answer to your question of how.

She also reminded me that i shouldn't forget,
what hasn't happened now, could still happen yet.
And to remember what invited, those scary voices in
but keeping the door locked, won’t let it happen again.

Although they remain the father, son, and the holy ghost.
Today, for one day, I have a higher power i listen to most.
And the feeling of complete loneliness is gone,
and it's thanks to my friend, i am happy at home.
Both outside and in, the torture has ceased
and all of the gifts in my life, have so increased
because now inside, the fight, battle and war are deceased.

From the soft place of my bed, thoughts of escaping grow in my head.
I gaze out at the bright blue sky, and watch pillow like clouds float on by,
and all types of birds, fly down low and soar up high.

I close my eyes and drift into the scene, of an idyllic life of pure simplicity,
a place with no worries, a tranquil haven for me.
They said my head was in the clouds, i didn't take offence,
i embraced the concept, just to annoy the ladies and gents.

I could easily picture it then, my place of harmony and Zen,
fill it with all of my favorite things, and my own little bird that sings.
A truly perfect dwelling, with my pride swelling, this would be paradise,
but what will become of me when lady lightening strikes,
maybe this place isn't that good of a choice.
She is like no other woman, even worse than those who've been scorned,
her bright white pitchforks would burn me right out of my home.

I close my eyes tighter, now imaging i'm one of birds instead,
oh this is much better, the freedom to fly right out of my head.
I'd be the daring one who circles, swoops, glides and swerves.
oh yes it's definitely for me to be one of the coolest birds.
Yes this is the life for me, i certainly do think,
nothing to worry about, not even a drink.

But what would become of me when i hit a plane,
nothing much i fear, other than a tragic shame.
Again a bad choice, and a bad ending too,
seems no choice would be right, because it's missing you.

I hit the ground with a thump, my eyes open wide,
and it all rushes back to me, that you're not by my side.
With a sharp pain in my heart, and tears on my face,
i search all around but there isn't a trace,
of any of the things i hoped you leave behind,
of the life we shared together, of the love so blind.

With rose tinted glasses i saw our relationship,
where i thought we were riding high, it was all beginning to dip.
What seemed to me like quiet chilled times,
was just the cold silence, after my crimes.

I did again, it was all my stupid fault,
you tried to help me, to brings things to a halt.
But to tame one as wild as me, i was the tiger, so brave, so free,
it was an impossible task, to restrain the spirit in me.

But it was all a lie, i wasn't brave, i was shy,
i lived in fear, i wanted to die.
Spirit in me? oh what a joke, i was bruised and battered, this woman was broke.
The ego so inflated, of how i portrayed myself, got bigger everyday, due to top shelf.

Then the day came along, when there was no song,
of how the good times rolled, nothing much left, only a wore out soul.
This was the day, you packed your things and left,
you said you did it for me, i said you did it for less.

Oh all the cruel words i spat, flew like knives towards the door,
i wanted to hurt you, to feel a pain so sore, you weren't gonna take it, not now, no more.
Well ******* then, was my final retort, ******* to your *****, she's more your sort.
Then i saw the crushed look deep in your eyes, i knew i had done it, i made our love die.

I had destroyed all the beauty, our amazing friendship,
that i thought would last so long endure the whole trip.
And here i am again on my own, in this place i call home,
it's so hollow, so empty, this feeling alone.
Again i close my eyes, so that i can fly high,
but escape doesn't come, only the tears that i cry.

Last night I had a beautiful dream,
Part fantasy, part reality, it did seem.
I wandered in a land that could have been heaven,
so many amazing things, it was on another level.

My bare feet glided, through grass wet with morning dew,
my soft finger tips brushed along leaves that grew,
from the branches of the tallest trees, that were many not few.
My senses were alive, with every touch and every smell,
coming from all the life that here did dwell.

Floating in the air was a sweet melodic tune,
that had my head in a trance too fast too soon.
It carried me along as if weightless above ground,
where would it take me, this enchanting sound?

Passing rippling ponds, and babbling brooks,
this ain't a place of thieves or crooks.
A magical wonderland, where only beauty lies
and there is no pain, no sadness, and no cries.

The path I travel is coming to an end,
around the last the corner, I come to a bend.
And just after that, there is a new sight,
shining so blue, and so bright.

In the air all around me, the oceans sweet scent mingles,
standing on end, every hair on my body tingles.
A new sensation beneath me, is the soft white sand,
another wonder of nature in this peaceful land.

The melody I hear now clearer than ever,
is coming from a sight I thought I would see never.
For there upon a rock nestled in the sea,
was the most beautiful picture that could ever be.

She has luscious locks of golden hair,
and a body beyond beauty, so sweet, so fair
from the top of her crown and all the way down,
She is delicious, delectable, and without frown.




My eyes are drawn to her lips, from them it comes,
The sweet melody I have chased , the one that she hums.
The notes turn to words, her head turns to me,
come closer she says, come into the sea.

I cannot stop now, I have no control.
I want her to feed me, my mind, body and soul.
I want her to touch me with the lightest of touch,
run her fingers through my hair, oh i want her so much.




As i near her habitual rock, the expression on my face, is of a small shock.
For as the tide falls, there's now a different sight,
on her lower body, she is wrapped so tight.
In an envelope of shiny scales, of an iridescent nature,
of the sea she was born, this mystical creature.

Was it wrong now that i wanted her even more?
to take in my arms and bring to the shore.
She reached out a hand touched me soft on my face,
i closed my eyes, entranced in this place.

Her fingers traced a line down my neck,
like a ship after a storm, i felt a wreck.
Now exploring with hands, like soft grains of sand,
blowing over deserts in distant lands.
She whispers in my ear, i want to kiss you my dear.

I open my eyes, and drink in her beauty,
our bodies come closer, breathing heavy duty.
She cups my face in her palms, positioned like clams
pushes her fingers through my hair, i am in now in her lair.

Our lips draws together, and like stormy weather,
all of a sudden the lightening strikes,
i can feel little bites,
on lips and my tongue electrifying shocks run.

My head is spinning, my body aching
with a feeling i have never had before,
of this creature, i want more and more.

Her bare ******* exposed, her ******* are stiff
with my hand i reach and give one a lift,
bring the flesh to my mouth, and my lips seal over
what mother mature has made, my new secret lover.

She moans, she groans, and from her mouth she sighs,
she loves every thing i do, i know by her cries.
I want to tease her and please her, in all manners of ways
for now, tomorrow and to the end of her days.

But she stops what i'm doing, and looks deep in my eyes,
a face full of sorrow, she's shedding tears that i dry.
Then she says to me, 'Alas this cannot be,
for you are a mortal and i was born of the sea,
i hate to say it, but there can be, no, you and me.
I am hurt and upset, by this tragedy

Again she looks in my eyes, and now there are smiles,
She says fear not, i have a solution,
I look at her curiously  in her world of ablution.

She speaks again, says remember this is a dream,
what is unreal, may be real to you, now it seems,
so when you awake it will all disappear,
and you will forget all the pleasure and pain you felt here,

But if ever you should want to become satisfied,
and release your inner mermaid, there's something you can try.
Close your eyes and believe, in my sweet lullaby
through this, you will be taken to me by and by.

And if this wonder never happens again,
it was the most beautiful time, in all my reign,
as the queen of the water here in this sea,
i have never met one as wonderful as thee,
and you will be in my heart, forever to be.

I awoke this morning with a smile on my face,
with a feeling i had come from from a magical place.
But the notion soon dispelled, because there was no trace,
of any of the sights that were vague on my mind,
i tried hard to remember, of this special time.

But alas it was not be, for it was a place of pure fantasy,
in my dreams forever will remain my mermaid and me.

"I'll give you a piece of my mind" said she
"I'll give you peace of mind" said he
angry and deaf, she did not want to hear,
sad and lonely, she did not want to be here.

Patience is something that will come in time
Ease of dealing with life's troubles will fall into line
Accepting what and who we are ,will come first
Ceasing to be angry, ashamed, and vulnerable will quench our thirst
Ending up with peace of mind, and a slumber that will only bring quiet