I let my phone die so I could experience something

and I can’t tell If its 9 am or 12 in the afternoon
and I’m looking at the light coming from under my black curtains

and I’m squinting my eyes and watching the whole world blur
which is just how I’ve always liked it
so today is no different

I’m writing myself sick and drawing pictures of the hole in your lip
and the freckles on the back of your ears

and I didn’t mean to make this poem about you
but I wasn’t in the mood to tell you I love you either

and I ******* hate sunsets they make me far too sad

and I’m kind of wishing
I could just let the sun burn out my vision once and for all

then all I would have left is the simplicity of dreams

and I still wish you broke all of your bones

I woke up in someone’s backyard under the stars
with a cracked iPhone and a handful of pills that weren’t mine
but I took them anyway

and you were laying half under me with white residue under your nose
and a black eye from where you punched zack trying to get away

because he’s on the run and we needed somewhere to stay
and he broke your brand new **** in half

I woke up in the backseat of your car under a blanket and you
from too much drunken *** in the middle of the woods

and I got out of the car and tucked your **** back into your ***** pants and watched the rest of the flames turn to embers

as our friends smoked the last of the ****
and I could have sworn Kyle was drinking the **** water
which was straight from the river

and you stole $14 from me that night
and you were bleeding from your brain
but that’s okay

because my heart is still the only thing harder than the
rock you cracked your skull on

I’m trying to tell you something
but there are no suitable words to explain how I feel

like I need you on top of me

and I need you in the ocean next to me

I need you holding my hand
and listening to me sing along to the radio

I need you drinking tea with me
and playing cards
and crunching leaves under our feet in fall

I need you on a blanket

and at the mall I need you by my side

I need you to snowboard down the ***** of my back

I need you to spank me over your lap
I need to get drunk with you

I need to smoke cigarettes with you

I need to taste wine on your lips
and drink ***** out of your collarbones

I need you like a quick striking match

I’ve spent all my wishes on you

I need to sleep next to you every night of my life
and watch you brush your teeth in the morning
and straighten the collar of your shirt

I need to open the door and find you there

I need to read thick books with you

I need to see you eating cereal for dinner
I need my head on your chest

I need to watch you shower
and shampoo your black hair

I need to love you
I need to LOVE you
I love you

They say home is where the heart is
Well, I don't care where I am

I need to call you home

Like shards of glass in the back of your throat
waiting for that steady drip

don’t breathe in through your nose or you’ll throw up

and it could be compared to a rollercoaster
but you described it as a soft and quiet floating between trees

like the wind is blowing you through the leaves

and then you said you’ve wasted your life on this
and talk to you when you happen to fall asleep

but it’s been seven days

and you haven’t fallen into this bed yet
I made the bed that you can’t sleep in

because life is just all about horrible irony

We fell together like we had no other choice

we fell like two body bags in the back of an ambulance

and suddenly you were killing me
a razor to the femoral artery in a bathtub

and there was nothing else

I used to pray to god for a cleansing rain to wash me of my sins
so that I didn’t burn if I stepped foot in his home

it has rained 729 times since then

and I am still stepping on hot coals

What do you do when
you fall in love with a boy who has a constellation on his chest

how do you leave someone
that is literally so made of stars it shines out on his skin

when his freckles make the big dipper
like he was kissed by the universe
and now he’s kissed by me

and I hope i can rub some of that star shine out on me
I need some of the light

and space dust that hides out in the marrow of his bones
and the gaps in his rib cage

I love him so much it makes me blink to look at him
like staring at the sun

and I got a tattoo of a blue full moon on my shoulder back in august
in hopes I could create something magic and rare
on something so ordinary and I’m still waiting for that to kick in

I told him he was made of stars
and he told me I was heaven sent

I want you hand rolled and in my mouth
I want your fingers curled around my hair
and I want to taste you

I always thought I would forever miss out
I am always searching for something just beyond my fingertips

Specks of dust floating three inches from your nose

and I see you in eyelashes
and freckles
and glimpses of a smile always so pure

I see you in black
and green
and blue

I see you in the colour of your lips after you’ve been kissing me

I see you in black

I see you in the way your hair moves in my hand
and the way the sun shines and your pupils dilate

I see you in high definition colour

Ive wanted to jump off the roof too many times to tell you
and you seem to be infiltrating my darkness with the warmth in your eyes

and theres a shine I can never fit into my drawings
and 5 minute sketches of your bones on lined paper

but you are not to be pinned down by ink and pencil

you are limitless and deep and I am falling

Only I am dreaming of falling into you instead of to the ground

I am breaking bleakness instead of bones
I never dreamed I wouldn't be alone