A body remembers every day, every second
Memories marked in scars and tan lines and freckled noses
Memories marked in wrinkles and dodgy knees and crooked fingers
But a body eventually destroys itself
When it cannot hold up anymore
And it is still sad
For the brain grows old and forgetful

I hate how the words
"Lesbian," "Gay," "Bisexual," et cetera
Are thought of as bad words.

It's like, oh, no, don't teach your little sister the word lesbian
Don't tell her there are some girls who like other girls
How inappropriate!

It's like, oh, no, don't teach your little brother the word gay
Don't tell him there are some boys who like other boys
How disgusting!

Don't let anyone under the age you deem appropriate know
That there are people who aren't heterosexual
Why?
I can't possibly understand why.

There is no reason for homophobia, not really.
I saw a metaphor somewhere that went something like this:
"I was in Subway, and I bought myself a ham sub. As I was paying, the man behind me bought a different sub than me, and I was immediately offended that he got a different sandwich."
This is what it sounds like when people say homosexual people affect them.
How do they affect you?

Just because they don't love someone who is of the opposite ***
Or just because they like both
Or something else
Just because of their ****** preference, no matter what it may be
You think that gives you reason to hate them? Really?
Just because they're different than the 'normal' you're used to?
Normality is relative.
You can't say it's not "normal."
That is not a justified nor sensical argument.

What is wrong with those people?
Can't they just see past all their biases and realize that we're all people
And we all deserve the same rights no matter who we're attracted to
No matter who we kiss
No matter who we touch
No matter who we have *** with
Is it really that difficult?

We're all humans when it comes down to it, and we all deserve the same rights.
Everyone should be able to see that.

And you know what I wonder?
Why are we voting on whether people deserve rights or not in the first place?

And then there's people who act like homosexuality is a disease
People who act like anyone who is anything but heterosexual is broken and needs to be fixed

They're not broken.
They don't need to be fixed.
They are who they are, and the government shouldn't tell them what they can and cannot do
Based simply and only on who they're attracted to.

"You can't get married because you aren't straight."
Do you realize how shallow that is? Do you?
"You're disgusting because you aren't straight."
Why?
Why should it matter to you who they're in a relationship with?
It's their life, their decision.

No one ever asks heterosexual people why they're heterosexual.
No one ever says, "Hey, when did you decide you were straight?"
It's just ridiculous, and I'm fed up of it.

"If gay marriage is legalized, more people will become gay."
Oh, yeah, sure, of course, that will totally happen.
Just like when African Americans were given rights
Everyone decided they wanted to go out and become African American.
Just like when women were given rights
Everyone decided they wanted to go out and become female.

People of all sorts of sexualities and preferences have grown up
With mostly straight media everywhere
It didn't "turn" them straight.
So gay media won't "turn" anyone gay
It won't hurt anyone if there's a gay couple in a commercial.
Or a TV show.
Or any other form of media.

It makes me sick to think that just because of your personal opinion
My friends who are not heterosexual would not be allowed to get married
To the person that they love.

Do you know what will happen if gay marriage is legalized?
Gay people will get married.

Why can't you just understand that it doesn't matter?
Why should you care what they do?
Why should you care who they like?

It doesn't affect you.
It doesn't change you.
It's just giving LGBT people more control over their own lives.
It's just giving LGBT people rights they should have had in the first place.

**Why?

When I wake up
I don't get a good morning
Or even
A hello

I get a "why didn't you turn in your library books yet?"
"Go clean your room"
"The way you're eating is disgusting"
"Look at all those horrible zits on your face"
"You're so lazy"
"Why haven't I seen [insert friend's name here] in so long?"
"No."

When I wake up
I don't get a good morning
Or even
A hello

I laze around in bed
And don't get up anytime soon
I laze around in bed
And don't get up until somewhere close to noon

You come upstairs and say, "Why are you in bed? Get up"
"You're being lazy again"
"Stop going on those stupid websites"
"Finish something for once"
"Do you have homework?"
So?

And you wonder why I don't get up in the morning
When the welcome I receive is far less than heartwarming

The media is every teenage girl's downfall
We pick up some ****** magazine on our way out and find some celebrity's tell-all
And we realize that our lives will never be as interesting
Our bodies will never be as beautiful
Our love will never be as sought after
We devour the pages of silly gossip and photoshopped lies
And yet, I think we all feel a little disappointed inside.

I sit there, my headphones in, volume up
And you dare tell me to turn it down
What you don't understand is that I need this
I need the volume so high that the screaming tangle of my brain is quieted down to a soft hum
So I'm not surrounded by an everlasting chorus of, "You're worthless."
So I'm not completely encompassed by these depressing thoughts
So I'm not breaking down when the cloud gets too heavy
So raindrops do not race down a pale-peach canvas

Reveling in my lips parting to mouth the lyrics written,
Written for somebody else yet they ring with my very soul
Written for everybody else yet they hear nothing
Except the turn of another page, another day, monotonous
An assembly line of nothingness
It's been broken for a while
It's been loaded down with disappointment for a while
You've failed again.
You've failed.
Again.

How dare you tell me to turn the volume down?

I had been hurt before, you see
That's why no one had ever trusted me
I stitched up my heart with a needle and thread
And I was almost done before you got inside my head

You blinded me, putting me under with your drugs
Pulling out my heart's hasty repairs tug by tug
Those few threads that barely held me there
You wielded a knife, cut them without a care

You can take your sticks and stones
You broke me, you won, now it's time to go

It’s always a competition with you lately
Settle down, we all already know you’re better than me


People talk about love like it’s a wonderful thing
But to me, it seems like illness and heartache is all it will bring

Burning through you with a passion and desire
Burning with all kinds of invisible fire
At first it seems that it will soon be gone
Don’t worry, my darling, it will last long
Just for forever, a smidgen of time
It will turn into something sweet
*As a lime

As life went on and misfortune was prevalent
Our minds became twisted, coiled and bent
We became those monsters we laughed at soon
And we are here, and we are hungry, too
Our sharp teeth, tearing flesh, swallowing blood
Chowing down on others' misery, as monsters should
Curiosity leads us for most of our lives
But sometimes us monsters have to say goodbye.

What if I told you I haven't shaved my legs, my hair is *****, and I'm only wearing a big sweatshirt, underwear, and a bra on a cold Sunday morning?
What if I told you that I'm full of contradictions, breaking without warning?
What if I told you I was huddled under covers crying about imaginary characters, scribbling out my feelings through the blood of a pen or the sweat of a keyboard?
What if I told you that I'm endlessly entertained, yet endlessly bored?
What if I told you that makeup makes me break out, trying to be pretty just makes me feel stupid, the only people I can talk to honestly are strangers, and to those I know I hide and put it all on the shelf?
What if I told you that I ask others who they think I am, because I can't put a label on myself?

There is nothing more peaceful than the warmth of another
Not romantic, no, just two people under covers
Not intimate, no, just two people next to each other
Not platonic, no, just two people pretending not to be lovers

There is nothing more peaceful than the darkness of the night
The time where it is silent, the time where there is no need to be bothered
The sun breaks through the clouds, it's another monotonous day of light
But your own words are suspended, gears stuck, drifted, hovered

There is nothing more peaceful than the smell of a new book
A new world to delve into, a fantasy life to absorb in your mind
A reader, a dreamer, a thinker, for all the time it took
For you to realize who you are and what you can search around and find

Comfort comes in many forms
For many different people
Comfort is worth your time
So take some time and relax
Get away from the drama
Get away from the difficulties
Only to go back minutes later
We don't have time to wait much longer

I was upstairs, hiding in my cave
Of blankets, a warm, cozy grave
The light of my laptop brightened my face
My typing fingers, the keyboard they did grace

A story was forming, a simple thought
My eyes were calculating, stoic, a robot
But inside, my gears were turning, my brain was turned to high
And it felt like it had been days since I last saw the sky

What are you doing? Come downstairs!
Hah, why? It's not like you care.
I'm writing, I'm drawing, I'm thinking, leave me alone
To my fort of pillows I will go, hugging my cell phone

Technology is my life force, the Internet my food
It's a horrible, enjoyable addiction, lifting my mood
Come on, come here, come down, come near
No, I'll stay, it's better up here.

One day you'll meet some people or two
And you'll fall in love, anyone would, how charming they are
Though sometimes the emotions will grow to destroy you
But you'll heal up just fine, all good, up to par

One day you'll meet some people or two
And you'll be friends, anyone would, how friendly they are
Though sometimes the arguments will be directed at you
But you'll be okay again, all good, unmarred

One day you'll meet some people or two
And you'll be enemies, anyone would, how repulsive they are
Though sometimes the whole thing will seem tiresome to you
But you'll see soon, they're not worth making scars

Everyone has problems
Who can pretend?
Everyone has problems
Fight through 'til the end.

Let's be honest.
CATS
They'll take over your life
Their love will only cause you strife
But you'll love them despite
CATS
Just note their addictive qualities
Soon you'll own them in ridiculous quantities
So be scared, beware of
**CATS!

Whisper, hush, quiet
Something shiny and sharp in my palm
Shouting, screaming, loud
A voice in my head, telling me to stay calm

The pain is delicious
The memories so vicious
And you were the cause of all this strife
Cursing my birth, cursing this life
Maybe I did.

The bathroom door locked and has been for a while
My whale-like thighs against the cold tile
So fat, ugly, worthless, no one will ever love you
That's what they all say, played like a fool
Maybe I was.

I couldn't help but begin to believe what they said
You look disgusting.
You're stupid.
Failure.
Die.
Maybe I will.


*Suicide is a horrible thing
But what's worse is making someone feel so awful
That they don't want to live anymore.

His body betrayed
        more
           than
              his
                 lips
                  ever could
        His words, never appearing
and they never would

His shoulders,
slumped
His eyes,
downcast

His mouth set in a hard, unfeeling grimace,
time
p      a      s      s      e      d

Dead.

Dead and gone.

**At last.

Here he is, he covers the surprise
Don't look, close your eyes!
Sealing the secret away until the best part
What is it? I can't wait, hurry, let's start!

The girl looks down, and grins with excitement
She's ripped him, he's gone, dead, in a swift moment
The prize is revealed to her (it's cash!)
And he, the wrapping paper, is thrown into the trash.

Expectations

I can never meet them
                   They're too high

        Spoonfuls of dreams
        Shoved down my throat
        For as long as it takes them to stick
        It won't work

No breaks

AP classes
         Yale
              Harvard
                  Stanford
                       A+

                  Repeating classes
              Failure
          Disappointment
      Unac­ceptable
  F-

Can I please have a second to relax?

NO.
Keep working
You will be a star

I don't want to be.*
I can't be.
I'm too stupid.

Short Poems
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

I dressed up one day
As best I could
Hoping you would say
That I looked good

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

There is someone tapping at your window, sometime soon
But you will look outside at night and see only the moon

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

Hope is impossible in this world of despair
Infinitely standing in the darkest of glares

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

My lungs
They're made of metal
Artificial
Weak
Wailing

My heart
Is full of stitches
Broken
Irreparable
Failing

My mind
Filled with holes
Present, past, and future
Muddled
Troublesome
Ailing

You can help me?
Please
You're not
Who I'm looking for
And so
I keep
Sailing

The careless goodnight
The wave of a hand
The step into the real world
The step out of wonderland
The echoing dream
The wrinkles unseen

The projects incomplete
The taste of defeat
The linger of spark
The cloak of the dark
The final goodbye
The time for us to fly