It might be that in 4 months
I won't even remember the way
You silently shook with laughter
Or the way you looked
When you took off your glasses
To clean them on your shirt
The way you absent mindedly made music
Wherever you were
Whether by tapping on your desk or with
The old guitar that your dad gave you
How you always had
Some obscure reference
To relate to anything and everything
And how you were unequivocally kind

It might be that in 4 months
Your face has stopped
Making cameo appearances
In all my dreams
And the songs on my iPod
Have stopped being about you

As painful as it is  
To look for your face in every crowd
I think I would be lost
Without that last bit of hope
And I'm not quite ready
To let go of that yet

Tonight was the first time I cried over you
It was nice outside and I just wanted to lay on the grass
And get absorbed into the ground
On the ride home I put on songs that I knew would make me cry
Like a doctor expertly re-breaking a bone
So it will cause less permanent damage
It's better when I'm the one inflicting it anyway
I could never bear to view you as the cause of pain

I saw you watching my car as I drove away
And wondered if you wished I'd stay

We are all just beings filled with stardust

We are all trying to be something more than just that

Let me tell you something:
Your sadness isn't beautiful and it will never be beautiful
All it is is destructive and my god it will burn you down in the worst possible ways

It will burn you down 'til your fingers start setting fire to everything you touch
'Til your insides are ablaze with the heat of self-hate
'Til your very soul is turned into a raging forest fire that kills anything alive

It will burn you down and it will make you want to bleed out
From your wrist and neck and head and that is not beauty

That is a catastrophe

You're back.

But I'm not really here anymore.

I'm becoming addicted to words
And I think to myself,
"At least it's not ******."
But sometimes I think words
Can be just as dangerous

Why is it that I coast through most days
In a haze
But then at night
My mind's ablaze?

I never missed you so much
Until I was sitting on the bleachers
Listening to a band sing about love
And all I could do was pretend you were next to me
So I could reach for your hand as the music swelled
I'd give up forever to touch you

Somehow each song is about you
And the band has become the narrator of our story
That hasn’t even begun yet
I wish I could take back the music
And stop hearing your voice in every lyric
I just don’t want to miss you tonight

Even more I wish that you were here
In a presence greater than just in my mind
I want to believe that you are thinking about me
Because somehow I let everything remind me of you
I just want you to know who I am

I never wanted to be a cliche
But something about you makes it okay