perhaps my heart is black
but after this i remember why i choose to be coarse.
the night was cold; you made me colder
and colder still. i shouldn't have had to turn on the light
or listen to your words while staring into the dark,
wishing to reverse the clocks to never awaken your unwanted hunger
and advances that only make me more bitter
and unbelieving that out there is something sweet

I'm consumed by the world of blue.
Outside this home is dark and cold,
but as I look up, I feel the warmth
of the stars--when the world is quiet
is when celestial bodies burn brightest.
Tonight I believe in nothing but the light
emanating from this heavenly ceiling mist
and the hope that one day we'll again see the sun.

im so tired
of not being able to write
because of my shaking hands

im so tired
of this cure
that isnt curing me

im exhausted

i stopped at chinese on the way home from the doctor's
"keep taking your medicine and see me in three weeks."
i ordered my food.

it was impulsive, but i was hungry
the world could wait another day.

i waited, admiring the pictures on the wall.
a cell phone buzzed,  but it was not mine.
the cashier walked towards the door.

"honey, don't cry." i tried not to listen.
"the holidays are hard. just find a hotel."
the holidays are hard. every day is hard.

i picked up my order and walked
past the father and his daughter and the distance
and the heartbreak and time that won't stop
not even for the father and his daughter. not even for me.

i looked away so he wouldn't see my tears.