Breakups ****. They **** when you're sobbing into your pillow at 1 in the morning because you realize your life isn't going to be the same. That you are never going to have that person wrap their arms around you or that you're going to smell their deodorant or that you can't send them a message telling them about your day. It ***** because you feel so alone and you keep letting out shakey breaths and telling yourself 'you're okay, you're going to be okay'

eyes a myriad of colors
blue, green, grey
blonde or brunette
you can't even say

i spoke my mind
opened my heart
tried my best
not to tear you apart
it happened anyway
you broke down in tears
tried to tell me
wisdom beyond our years
i told you my answer
that i didn't want this
yet there you were
making plans of bliss
you ignored my plea
wiped my cheek
kissed my head
and i still felt bleak
you carried on
without a clue
that i was doubting
my future with you

it's starting again
and again and again
     over and over
it keeps beating me down
                       keeping me down
it knows
     how to get to me the best
it knows everything
                         all i can do is hope it won't be any worse than before
foolish girl
        don't you know by now?
stress
          will always be there
always
                beating and knocking
everywhere you turn
                                                                                             it will find you

i'm the one trapped in this hell
i'm the one stuck in my own head
this is getting to be too much
maybe i'm better off dead

sliding on hardwood floors in fuzzy socks
hearing an song i haven’t heard in years and still knowing all the lyrics
swinging on the swing set in my backyard
the calm and quiet
movie nights with friends
the shiver that runs up my spine on occasion
feeling the warm lights on me as i stand center stage
much needed hugs
absently scrolling through social media
the smell of smoke lingering on your clothes
chocolate
feeling my heartbeat spike a million beats a minute
catching up on life
walking next to someone on the sidewalk
looking up at the stars
being able to talk about anything and everything
the smell of books
spending the day at the beach
the grin i get on my face after a performance
seeing a friend after a while
putting on comfy clothes after a long day
having the wind blow past me in a gust
being stupid with my best friends