That distinct smell of my sanity sizzling
Sadly I know it all to well

What I wouldn't give to
have a hand to hold as I watch the sunset this evening
The sacrifices I wouldn't make to have a pair
of eyes to greet my own as I awoke every morning
If only my journey here were not such a solitary
one filled with dismay, solitude & misery

Only darkness is there for me
together we welcome the road ahead

Day after day
Month after month
Year after year

It's been a year now

Last year around this same time
I was celebrating my birthday with my now ex-partner

She was extraordinarily gifted

She baked me a cake
and made me a dreamcatcher

Both from scratch

It's been a year now
A year of being alone, grumpy and miserable
A year of dinners by myself at random taquerias
A year of making multiple promises to myself that "I'm gonna be ok"
A year of looking up at the stars when
I get home at night and sighing
A year of looking in the mirror knowing
that I'm not getting any younger
A year of watching other couples hold hands
and remembering what that felt like

I don't know how much more of this I can take

Let me tell you something about this world

This world will eat you up and **** you out, if you let it
And make no mistake, it will try

It will do its damnedest
No one gets a free pass
No one

This world is a cruel and harsh place
I state this simply because...
It’s all I've known for longer than I care to remember
I've lived it

This world will test you, in every possible way
It will twist, it will bend, it will extinguish you, if you let it
Don't let the tone of what I'm saying fool you
Do not misunderstand my words

This world will do anything and everything to you, and that is a fact

The real question is, what are you going to do?
I remember when children used to tease me
at school, I'd run home and tell my mother
She'd say, ”it’s not what they call you, it’s what you answer to.”

It all comes down to a choice; really
Your choice

For despite what this world may do you,
you have in your possession one of the most powerful
tools on this or any other world

The power of choice

The power to choose your destiny, right here, right now

What will you choose?

To take or to give?
To be understood or to understand?
To resent or to forgive?
To live with fear or to live with love?
Because let me tell you something about this world,
on this world, the choice belongs to you

So what's it worth to you?
How much?
Put a price tag on it, if you feel the need

Lately, ochito has turned a new leaf when to comes to this whole business
An invisible juggernaut now is his reinforcement
Not knowing why or where this help has come
from, he braves his sanctified environment with a new spirit

This new ally is available to all viable members of the planet, I think
Then again it is quite possible that 'ol och has lost all
his marbles, but if you ask me(and I wouldn't  lie to ya)
its better to have more free space upstairs anyway.

"Marble"-less
Its more aerodynamic

But anyway, let's return to the initial question
What is it worth you?
What is waking up in the morning?

As far as ochito is concerned, it's a gift

A divine present

The present that has no value.

You know...

Sometimes you just have to be alone
There's just no other way

Sometimes there are certain lessons that can only
be fully absorbed in the sterile environment of solitude

Sometimes...
Only sometimes...

Sometimes you have to be just a little bit stronger
than usual because sometimes the **** will get worse way before it gets better
Guaranteed
Sometimes life will be painful, bitter, and fowl-tasting
And it will hit you so hard, with such force that
you can almost feel your soul leaking from that invisible wound in your heart

Sometimes...
Just sometimes...

Someone once told Ocho that romantic relationships
are a mirror of the amount of love we have for ourselves

Sometimes...
Some times
feel like an eternity

I stopped counting long ago
I did it,
not for them, so much...
but rather for my own sanity and peace of mind

“They” arrive randomly, most times, out of the clear blue sky
Ahhhhh.....
“What incredible creatures these are!”, my senses whisper to me
Each more wonderful than the next!
I inhale slowly as I feel excitement setting in

Sweet smelling, they all come bearing enchanting gifts
Together, we laugh. We share secrets.
We spend time together
We bond. We taste and savor each others spirit, fully.
Entirely.
As I imagine trees do with the soil.

And then, just as soon as they arrive, they go
All of them
Some stick around for a small amount
of time, yet they all eventually go
Where? I don't know
I do know, however, they just keep coming
Endlessly
“They”

They are crashing upon me, I am the eroding reef.
Wave upon wave, they just keep coming
I suppose the real question is, how long can I last?
Hmmm? How long?

I am the cliff that crumbles inevitably.

There’s a quote that I read not to long ago, that really made me reconsider a lot
As a matter of fact, it made me reconsider everything
And I mean; EVERYTHING

That quote was,
”the purpose of existence is to have no fear.”

Hmmm...So...
Let me see if I got this right...
The whole point to ALL THIS...is to dive right in?
Without fear?

What the **** am I waiting for then?!
What the **** are YOU waiting for?!

”the purpose of existence is to have no fear.”
Get moving!
Go!
RUN!

Only you know what you need to be doing right now
Right at this moment
Do it! Do it today! Do it with all your heart!
GO!

”the purpose of existence is to have no fear.”
Do you know how short a life we get on this planet?
If the whole point of us being here is to, transcend the emotion of fear...
then that would make everything that makes us afraid and fear itself; *******

Wouldn't it?

Nothing more that smoke and mirrors

”the purpose of existence is to have no fear.”
If this is the true meaning of it all, the way everything was designed....
Then...
Go get em
Go
Hit the ground running
Let there be no shame in your game.
What ever you need to do, do it today

If life could come with rules or guidelines, I would
respectfully request that we all came with that rule engrained in our minds.

”the purpose of existence is to have no fear.”