annmarie

annmarie Jan 2014

Four

There's a lot that needs to be said
and I'm not sure how to say it.
I've stored up all the feelings
in the back of my heart
but there are too many of them now
and they're all starting to spill out.

There are a lot of words
that consist of four letters—
"twin," for example,
or "poem" or "moon."
Or "hurt."
Also his name, and yours.
And though the four-letter word
that reminds me of him
is "kiss,"
the word "love"
has only ever
been tied to one person,
and that's you.

And there are four-letter words
I hope that you're not—
"blue," or "gone…"
or "hers."
But I'm starting to get scared
that you're labeling me
with your own sets of four.
"Left" and "late—"
or maybe worse,
"fine" and "free."

I'm not sure how exactly
you see me at the moment,
but I need to let you know:
the words that fit me best
when it comes to you right now
are "torn" and are "lost,"
but also "(very) sure:"
there's nobody else
I've ever known
that I would rather
be calling "mine."

for Sophia, and yes, to Matt

annmarie Jan 2014

Even Circles Can End Somewhere

I was fully prepared
to write a poem
about you leaving
because my mistakes
were too big this time.

What I was not prepared for
was for you to pull me in
and not let go—
both figuratively and literally.

I wasn't prepared
to hear you say you loved me.

And I know that you're probably
still a little upset with me,
but I promise I can find a way
to make it up to you,
cause I can't think
if anybody else
who's more worth it
than you.

(And also, I think,
I need to say thanks,
cause I'm going to bed smiling
instead of in tears,
and writing this poem
is a whole lot nicer
than the one I was prepared to write.)

I love you I love you I love you

annmarie Jan 2014

Sacrifices and Circular Battles

But believe me,
it isn't like
I don't want you to stay.
This is more about
the fact that
I don't see the use anymore
in fighting for you.
Because if you want to leave
then there's literally nothing
that I'm able to do
to keep you here.
(You were always the persuasive one anyway.)
So I won't try to fight it,
but it's because I love you,
not because I don't.
And loving someone is all about
doing everything you can
to make sure they're happy.
So I hope you are—
with or without me.

Whatever you choose, I know you will be. You're not the type to stick around when you're not.

annmarie Jan 2014

You Say Innocence, I Say Malice

You want me to ask questions and I won't.
This isn't mine to know.
I don't have the right to know, nor do I
deserve to find out anything.

I don't.

But she does.
She deserves to know all of it,
whatever it is
that's compelled you
and your passive aggression
to let her find out
like this.

It isn't fair to her,
you know that.

She loved you.

annmarie Jan 2014

Polaroids

If I had the chance,
maybe I'd go back
to when our Polaroid was still dark.
There was more possibility then.
I was looking at you
through a rose-colored lens
and what [I thought] I saw
was amazing.
I snapped a picture
(possibly too quickly)
and wrote my favorite four-letter word
on the bottom of the film,
mostly because I liked the way my hand felt
while forming the letters.
But we've developed now,
and I'm not sure I like what I see.
Only part of you made it into the frame,
and you were blurred around the edges—
almost like you were moving.
(And most of the time I couldn't tell
wether you were coming or going.
I think I know now.)
Your hands and your lips,
those were the only parts of you
that came out clearly.
Your eyes and your heart
we're the hardest to see.
*But I noticed someone
in the background
that came out a lot clearer
than I had expected.
And maybe, because of him,
the Polaroid isn't so bad after all.

for India

annmarie Jan 2014

Promises and Typos

I don't need you
to promise me
you're never going to
leave.
But what I want
is a promise
that while you're here,
you'll love me
for everything
that makes you want to stay,
but also everything
that doesn't.
Cause what I've discovered
is that you cannot possibly
really love someone
unless you've fallen in love
with all their broken pieces
in addition to
the parts of them
that haven't yet
lost their sparkle.
So the next time you find yourself
reaching for my hand,
know that I don't need you
to promise me
you're never going to let go.
All I want from you
is to know
that when you take my hand,
you're also taking my heart,
which really isn't always
as strong as it wishes it could be for you.
But what it is
is the kind of heart
who wants to see your pages opened
and read you word for word,
because it's fallen in love
with all of your phrases
that could be passed for poetry,
and also all the parts of you
that you might consider typos,
but I consider incredible.

annmarie Jan 2014

c'est la vie

my perfume is nice,
but I must admit
that I like it a lot more
when the scent that clings
to my collarbones
and my favorite sweater
is the same one
I would find
on the pillows in your room,
or better yet,
when I'm wrapped in your arms.