Why do I tense up when you're around?
Why does my heart beat faster?
Why do I hold my breath?
We can't be ourselves around you
I am stuck
I made the choice
Birthdays pass
Years roll by
Anniversaries come and go
Embarrassed to show my face
No more thoughts of the white lace gown
With my father by my side
Going down the aisle
Gave that dream up for you
Now I have nightmares
With red rolling clouds
Silent screams
Ancient trees
Trying to get out
I want to wake up and breathe
This is not life
This is not me

Beads of sweat gleam in the light
Under the apple tree
Into the suns warm, bright rays
Raven red hair
Sunny
Silky skin
So brown
Apple green eyes
That laugh
We were young
Hot leather seats
The park
No one around
Temptation
We acted on it
I wonder how you are doing now
It's been nearly 3 years
No calls
Under that apple tree
That day our love grew
You were with her and i with him
My high school sweetheart
Time does cruel things
The smell of peony
Flowers falling down from the trees
I look at you in awe
Your kisses are amazing
Your voice is sweet and deep
The strings of nature band together for us
A warm heartbeat

If my heart could break into a million pieces
What would it say?
Would it say,
Pack up and leave him-
Y'all don't need him
Just for a place to stay?
Would it try to comfort her children when they are getting less to eat each day?
When doctor's ask are your children getting 3 meals with snacks in between and you want to break down and die-
Oh, only God knows what I mean.
Please stop breaking because you've
Broken into a million pieces a million times.
People warned her not to leave,
To leave VA.
But she ran from her problems
And there waited a new set to meet her at the door.
She doesn't know who she is anymore.
All she wanted was love
But love is no more
Only pain, judgement, misfortune, humiliation, and bad blood are at her door.
The faces of her sweet children is all she has left to keep her pushing,
Paddling, pushing on

I'm a ***** when I have to be,
won't let no one walk all over me.
Again and again I am hurt.
Constantly being kicked in my side,
stepped on and spat on like dirt.
Deep down I'm all alone.
I come off as loud mouthed and sassy,
but I was good before and look where it got me.
So yeah, I'm a *****.
I have every right to be.
Just like you are an *******.
Don't be mad at me.

I see the world from your point of view
I always took it for grantid
I love when we both stop to smell the flowers
I see the world from your point of view
The ladybug miles away
From the shops on the street
The clouds that look like butterflies
And marshmallows
The tall skyscrapers
All of the busy bustling on the streets
The escalators that are so high
They look as though they are headed
To heaven
And I panic
You are okay
Much more braver than I
I hate heights and crowds
You hate bushes and bugs
I hate loud noises
You get frustrated easily
We meltdown
Life is a journey indeed.
I am your mother
You are my son
You are my daughter
We are friends
In this busy
Sometimes not so friendly world
We are cut from a different cloth
We are all Virgos
We all have autism
I am happy
I can see the world from your point of view

Daylights

Life happens, beach breeze
Understanding, calm
Martinis lemonade
To share your feelings
It's a masquerade.
Love lips kiss,
Young lustful lies
50 years gone where
Old age dies.
Victim
Venom
Grief, hurt
Sleepless nights
Stranger for 6 years
Who am I

I used to watch him everyday.
He always bought flowers to the ship yard.
A few years ago, the shipyard sank.
Everyday he met the woman he was going to marry.
Everyday she accepted the flowers with tears in her eyes.
Every night he wondered the streets of insanity.
I guess Null Street was the only place he could feel free.
Like himself.
One day he didn't bring flowers.
He had a bottle of whiskey instead.
His lady had left town.
They never let him know.
Glass smashed all over the ground.
He crossed the street in dismay,
refusing to obey the traffic light.
Or maybe he was just tired,
but he got hit that night.
Just like that,
in a blink of an eye
I saw his fragile body flying in the sky.
The impact instantly crushed his skull
I heard bones breaking,
I saw it all.
He landed in the ship yard.
The next day his lady got off of her boat
waited around,
she saw the glass.
She saw the reflection,
of the man who just passed.
And all she did was weep
no more flowers or candy
the man on Null Street had a thing for Ms. Sandy.

Cooking on the stove
A regular day
Making breakfast
Sharp pain
Red running
Bathroom break
Kids fighting
Panicking
Giant red hearts
Weeping crying
Sharp pains
Mommy are you ok
Keeping me company
Sleeping
Dreaming
Waking
Wishing
Empty

You are my Earth,
The spitting image of me.
Depression is the realist thing
That I have been unfortunate enough to
Live and relive.
Unfortunately I couldn't see.
Beyond the baby years.
Beyond the collicky cries.
You needed love and I wasn't there emotionally
Because no one loved me,
I didn't know how to love then.
And I apologize
I know that you are young now,
But you probably don't think that I care.
They have forced fed you lies.
I want you back and we miss you so much.
Oh if I could just reach out to hug you,
To kiss you and squeeze you.
To tell you how much we miss you..
We love you
There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you
Son..

It's like the sun setting in hell.
A great lake of flames and fire.
Paper thin skin.
Lifeless broken and robotic hearts.
The black ashes blowing between bones.
Elephant graveyard.
People speak but do they really care?
After they say say a quick hi,
It's like you aren't even there..
Broken glass shatters in the deep crevices of scars that enter the intertwined perfect membranes of bodies.

She had to drink
To numb whatever it was she had left
It always was the scent of strawberries
She got so good at knowing what would happen with him just by the smell
She no longer fought it
That would leave her with death treats and black eyes.
Hands wrapped around her like a boa constrictor.
If she fought
That would be bad
Better to pass out
Then to draw attention to ones self and shout
She didn't deserve the time of day or attention
To keep her breathing
All on a burning bed

A strained relation
romantic vacations
confused
One minute I love you
the next I hate you
I pictured myself
just the other day
emerging your head
in the lake of forever
twisters all around
as I said a prayer
your hands holding mine
not in a romantic way
trembling
gasping, panting
it's okay
you can breathe now
let my hands go
never has a body felt so light
in the great sea of despair

She had a weakness for love yes she wants to be loved..
Loved like a rose when it travels down stream by the river
The clear stream it carries the rose with such grace
It's careful not to let it reach land that cannot be reached
The bird soars up above wanting to save it from  love
Wanting to capture it for it's own selfish needs and desires..
Yes I have a weakness for love. I've seen it many times in many forms.
"Oh why can't I have love like that?"
The rose thought to herself.
Until she began to make herself sound silly.
She got so sick of love and the heavy weight it carried.
And at last her petals began to fall and she was buried.